Vern sees LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (remake [not CHAOS])!




Well well well, what do we have here? Looks like a remake of a Wes Craven movie, already unofficially remade as a Demon Dave DeFalco movie, itself based on an Ingmar Bergman movie based on a 13th century ballad based on a legend of why a particular Swedish church was built. I’m not sure the modern moviegoer is concerned with the origin story of the Kärna church, so we gotta wonder what exactly the reason is for this remake. The answer, of course, is that the original movie was first called KRUG AND COMPANY, they didn’t call it LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT until it had been traveling around for a while. They made it up after the fact, it didn’t really mean anything, so in the movie they never mentioned the location of the house. I saw the trailer for the remake where somebody’s driving down a road and says “it’s the last house on the left.” This is the reason to remake it, you can finally go back and establish that!

The Last House on the LeftWell, actually that line’s not in the movie, and come to think of it there are no other houses in the area at all. “Last house on the left” is not an accurate description of this house. It should be called ONLY HOUSE ON THE STREET. So I guess geographical accuracy is not in fact the reason for the remake. The reason is because they’re going through IMDb and just remaking every god damn movie that ever existed.

Fine, I’m used to that. But LAST HOUSE is much weirder to remake than FRIDAY THE 13TH, HALLOWEEN, etc. because it’s not a fun type of horror movie. It’s a movie about a gang of fugitives raping and killing two innocent girls. It shows death as ugly, awkward and slow. Craven was a first time director, a former college professor and pissed off about Vietnam. He didn’t want to make a cool horror movie, he wanted to rub our faces in ugliness.

In the original ballad “Töre’s daughter in Vänge” (which was not, in my opinion, about Vietnam) two girls coming home from church run into three herdsmen, they refuse to marry them so the herdsmen chop off their heads. Then the herdsmen try to sell the girls’ silken robes to their parents, who figure out the deal and kill them instead, and then feel bad about it so they build a church. In Craven’s version the parents sure don’t build a church. They build booby traps. There is no search for spiritual redemption or sign from God like in THE VIRGIN SPRING. But when the dad is chain sawing these fuckers it’s not part of the fun, it’s part of the tragedy that decent people have been turned into savages by these sickos who finds girls in the woods and make them piss themselves. In other words it’s an angry, filthy movie that pretty much means to make you sick. And (accidentally, I think) it’s made even more upsetting by a lame comic relief subplot about wacky cops trying to catch the bad guys.

To be honest I hated it when I first saw it, but I learned to respect it over the years. A remake doesn’t offend my purist sensibilities, it just makes me wonder what they’re thinking. How do you capture that I-need-to-take-a-shower feel in a multiplex between Coca-Cola slides? It was different when they were showing it in drive-ins under different titles. This one is heavily advertised on TV to the same kids who went to see MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D. Some dudes and their girlfriends want to see a movie together, one of them’s already seen Taken so they decide well, what about this horror movie, says it’s from the guy who did Nightmare On Elm Street.

Is that really a good idea? I’m not sure, but I’m happy to say that I think this is one of the good remakes. The director is Dennis Iliadis of Greece. His first movie was HARDCORE, an over-the-top but effective movie about two teenage prostitutes. This one has the same respect for its characters and careful eye for visuals but with more stylistic restraint. Instead of trying to fake the grit and grime of the original he approaches it as an art movie, kind of like FUNNY GAMES without the lecture and fingerpointing.

One weapon the movie has is good acting, something most modern remakes as well as the original LAST HOUSE are lacking. In a short amount of time the movie establishes both the parents (Tony Goldwyn and Monica Potter) and the girls (Sara Paxton and Martha MacIsaac) as believable people and not just horror victim types. And playing Krug is Garret Dillahunt of DEADWOOD, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN and TV Terminator fame. He’s a genuinely scary lead villain, a maniac, a charismatic leader and a strict father all in one.

But I knew Dillahunt was good. More of a surprise is Spencer Treat Clark as Krug’s son Justin. Instead of a conflicted junkie as in the original (or a little kid who Max Von Sydow throws against a shelf as in VIRGIN SPRING) he’s more of an innocent caught up in all this because his dad brings him along. Come to think of it this is a theme in Craven remakes. Like in THE HILLS HAVE EYES, the younger, nicer member of the clan is played as more of a real person and less of a cartoon than the first time around.

After all the SAWs and HOSTELs you might think they’d up the ante of violence to make it disturbing. Actually I think there’s less screen time and sadistic imagination dedicated to the torment of the girls than in the original (or especially CHAOS). Nobody has to wet their pants in this one, but Iliadis isn’t fuckin around either. The difference is that he has established the characters as real, and the violence as ugly. There are no fake jolts on the soundtrack to make you jump. But you do have to see a very young looking actress being degraded and raped in an I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE-like manner. It’s not a good time at the movies. I don’t recommend popcorn or nachos for this one. Also I’m no matchmaker or nothing but, uh, not a good choice for a first date in my opinion.

In my review of HARDCORE I said that since Iliadis obviously related to his victimized female characters he should make one of the girls survive, barely make it back to the house and participate in the revenge, to make it more personal. He did part of that but instead of making her an avenger she’s dying on a table and this makes the story much more intense because the parents have to defend her. Now it’s not about them taking an eye for an eye, it’s about them being willing to beat a man with a fire poker if that’s what it takes to protect their daughter.

By the time the gang are staying at the Collingwood house (on the left, can’t miss it) all the pieces of the game are set up. We know the players, we know the geography (main house here, guest house there, tool shed out there, car crashed in the woods) and the rules (no head chopping or kung fu, just lots of painful bashing and stabbing). It becomes a hell of a thriller, a tense cat and mouse sort of deal except you’re not always sure which ones are cats and which ones are mice.

At the end of URBAN LEGEND it turns out the killer is Rebecca Gayheart, because they killed her boyfriend so she was getting revenge. They thought they killed her but they never found the body and then the story of her murder spree becomes an urban legend in its own right. Ain’t that a bitch? Crazy shit in these movies.

Anyway I’m not sure who exactly I’m recommending LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT REMAKE to. This is more on the WOLF CREEK side of horror where people might hate it for being effective. If there’s eyeballs and intestines popping out it’s silly and you can laugh but there’s less to defend you from this one. So it’s only for certain tastes and then alot of those people are not gonna want to see it because they don’t want to see a stupid remake. But just take my word for it this is one of the smarter ones.

Here’s a question for you: what (if anything) is the best of the modern wave of horror remakes? I think most people would say DAWN OF THE DEAD (from the visionary director of 300), and they might be right. It might be the most entertaining. I like that movie but I do have to hold it accountable for abandoning all the themes of the original. It’s a fun movie but for me the original is even more fun while also making more of a point and having more of an emotional effect on me.

So I lean toward a much less popular choice, THE HILLS HAVE EYES. Like this one it’s a Wes Craven production. In both cases he was hands on, helped choose the European directors and had a hand in the development of the scripts. I thought Aja’s version of HILLS was great because it elaborated on the original’s mutant mayhem but stayed true to its class warfare subtext, its mythic depiction of an All-American family clashing with mutant savages and becoming just like them. You can never match Michael Berryman but you can definitely improve on some of the sloppy filmatism in the original HILLS, and I think in many ways Aja did.

But then there’s this one god damn scene I hate, where the character “Big Brain” has to make a big speech EXPLAINING to us why the mutated residents of this bombed out mining town resent the rest of the world. Come on dude, our brains might be smaller than yours but we’re not morons. We get it. And we liked it so much better before you started blabbing about it. Thanks alot asshole.

LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT REMAKE doesn’t have a scene like that. It’s more consistent than HILLS, and actually more consistent in tone than the original since it ditches the cop characters and sticks with the one story. I was surprised to find myself wondering if it actually is better than the original.

But then the movie ended. And I’m sure most people would prefer this ending to the sort of thing I think it should have. It’s a real crowdpleaser, a show-offy kill you gotta give credit for even if they were assholes to give it away in the trailer. I admire its ingenuity and what not but in my opinion this is a killer ending for some other movie that is the opposite of LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT. They have just spent the entire movie treating the subject matter very seriously, giving the characters intelligence and avoiding cheap thrills. They ditched the idea of revenge dehumanizing you, but they did have a sense of morality. They’re going nuts in defense of their child but they’re not indiscriminately killing. Until this last scene where, if I understand correctly, the doctor has brought his maimed daughter for medical care, then returned to his house without contacting any authorities so that he can then perform a sadistic and elaborate Dr. Phibes style murder on the guy.

So 99.9% of the movie stays true to Craven’s “violence is horrible” philosophy, then the end is “ha ha ha, lookit the head blow up.” DeFalco’s CHAOS dumped the meaning of the original in favor of a “WHOAH, THAT SHIT IS FUUUUUCKED UP” type ending. This scene is less pretentious but as much of a betrayal of the original. It didn’t feel right seeing everybody laughing and walking out of this movie with smiles on their faces. Nobody looked like they needed a reminder that it was only a movie only a movie only a movie.

Oh well, it was unfun while it lasted I guess. And still one of the better remakes.


Originally posted at Ain’t-It-Cool-News: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/40372

View the archived Ain’t-It-Cool-News Talkback

  • March 10, 2009, 5:40 a.m. CST

    Never seen the original

    by jackalcack

    Any good?

  • March 10, 2009, 5:42 a.m. CST


    by Kid Z

    …all news of Watchmen sure seemed to vanish off this site overnight, didn’t it?

  • March 10, 2009, 5:46 a.m. CST

    Sounds good

    by quantize

    especially if vern didn’t like it

  • March 10, 2009, 5:46 a.m. CST

    I guess that’s what happens with…

    by Kid Z

    ……multiple career-killers, huh? Just sayin… I promise Harry, this is my very last word on the subject. Don’t ban me, bro!

  • March 10, 2009, 5:55 a.m. CST

    So it is really like The Hills Have Eyes remake?

    by DerLanghaarige

    Great and intense movie until the cliched ending ruins it?

  • March 10, 2009, 6:09 a.m. CST


    by The Great One

    I’ve not been a fan of… violence horror (not sure what to call this genre but it’s all I can think of at the moment) as many such films blend in to me when I see the cases at the rental store. But you’ve managed to articulate some elements of the genre in ways I hadn’t considered in this review. So or that I thank you. I don’t think I’ll be seeing this film or others of its kind but I think as a layperson and general film fan, I understand some of the intricacies in building a better production. I do agree that having good actors only helps good horror produce the proper effect (like say Invasion of the Body Snatchers or The Thing) and wish more horror films would take notice of this fact instead of relying on just visual or audio effects to prop up less talented actors. Once again, I thank you Vern for this piece and look forward to your next.

  • March 10, 2009, 6:19 a.m. CST

    Time to get all Medieval on your Ass!

    by seppukudkurosawa

    As your description of the original ballad is pretty off. There was only one girl for a start… And the fact that a spring welled from the dead girl’s body arguably WAS a sign from God. The poem was written as another in a long line of religious propaganda, just WAAAAAAY more subtle than the kind we get whacked over the head with these days.<p>

    I posted the ballad over on IMDB HERE: http://tinyurl.com/dym5nz. I’d give it a read (not just Vern, but whoever’s reading this post). It beats jerking off to Google Image searches of Malin Ackerman.<p>

    Otherwise, another awesome review, Vern. I thought you promised to lay off these horror remakes in one of your Friday reviews the other day? Although I guess the most horrific thing about the original Last House… was the Benny Hill-style light relief with the cops!<p>

    Now I just really, fucking hope Demon Dave shows up to jazz up this talkback a little.

  • March 10, 2009, 6:23 a.m. CST

    I really, really loathe the original…

    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    …And I honestly cant imagine, that aside from name recognition, there could possibly be any reason to remake this flick. Chaos is pretty much a perfect remake anyway, a shallow, foul, pointless borefest filled with cheap and lazy film making. Oh, I’ll still watch it though. And for some reason, even though I fucking walked out on Last House the first time I watched it, I jerked off to I Spit On Your Grave.

  • March 10, 2009, 6:26 a.m. CST

    Kid Z

    by Quint

    That kind of happens when… you know… the movie comes out. Maybe that’s the reason…

  • March 10, 2009, 6:27 a.m. CST

    Haha loved that review!

    by sonnyfern

    Shit, I might see this motherfuckrer now…eh..prolly not…

    BUT…I’ll buy it when it comes to DVD. I loved The Hills Have Eyes remake, thought it was pretty brilliant.

  • March 10, 2009, 6:29 a.m. CST


    by 1978CreepyThinMan

  • March 10, 2009, 6:38 a.m. CST

    Vern, you listened to the commentary–

    by seppukudkurosawa

    to the original Last House on the Left? One of the most bizarre Dvd-watching experiences I’ve ever had (after Abel Ferrara’s commentary for King of New York). David Hess is MORE crazy than Krug, and that porn star guy who played his partner-in-crime is just about as scary and seedy as they come. The girl who played the female member of the gang (she’s actually quite straight in real life) also sat in on the commentary…I felt sorry that she had to remain in the same room as those lunatics for over an hour!

  • March 10, 2009, 6:41 a.m. CST

    Like with a lot of Wes Craven the original…

    by rbatty024

    had some interesting themes that were poorly executed. I can’t say I’m terribly interested in the sequel. In other words, go see The Virgin Spring instead.

  • March 10, 2009, 6:50 a.m. CST

    Dave The Demon DeFalco


    He will rip your head off and piss on your nipples if you even think about trash talking him! Can someone please post a link to the Chaos talkback? It is without a doubt the best TB in AICN history – much better than the Baleback and infinitely funnier

  • March 10, 2009, 6:56 a.m. CST

    I’ve purposely avoided the original.

    by tonagan

    I thought I’d get too freaked out, like how I’ve purposely avoided early John Waters films. I did see Salo, though, so I don’t think I’m a big baby.

  • March 10, 2009, 6:57 a.m. CST

    Second best is the one where someone called Equinas

    by seppukudkurosawa

    defends man-on-horse relations… What is it about Vern that inspires legendary talkbacks?<p>

    And anyone notice how the phrase “torture porn” has completely sunk out of the geek lexicon. I always suspected it was used by the kind of people who should stay a million miles away from these kind of movies, anyway. Note to those guys: not every movie is made for every person, thank fuck!

  • March 10, 2009, 6:58 a.m. CST

    Who are the ad wizards…

    by wampa 1

    …that came up with this one?

  • March 10, 2009, 6:58 a.m. CST

    And did anyone see House on the Edge of the Park?

    by tonagan

    I remember renting it as a kid, started watching it, and turned it off.

  • March 10, 2009, 7:15 a.m. CST

    Greatest TB EVER

    by Lost Jarv

    Dave “Dipshit” Defalco. <P>Fuck me that was funny. <P>”PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A JUGGFUCKLING”

  • March 10, 2009, 7:15 a.m. CST

    Eh, okay Quint…

    by Kid Z

    …you have a point. I did promise to shut up. So I will.

  • March 10, 2009, 7:22 a.m. CST

    That “one daughter makes it back” change is idiotic.

    by JackPumpkinhead

    “Honey, our daughter just crawled into the house wounded, bloodied and barely alive… do you think we should perhaps get her to a hospital, or maybe call an ambulance for her…?”



    “Good idea, honey, but first, let’s arm ourselves, go to the freaks who sleep in our guest house and spend an hour or two committing TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION! After that we’ll rest and then we’ll take care of our wounded, bloodied and barely alive daughter.”

  • March 10, 2009, 7:23 a.m. CST

    I’m holding out for GHOULIES BEGINS

    by Spandau Belly

    With Daniel Craig as ‘Wolfgang’.

  • March 10, 2009, 7:23 a.m. CST

    Ahhhh, yes. The horsefucking talkback.

    by rbatty024

    I still maintain that Equinas wasn’t really fucking horses. I think it was some undergraduate’s social experiment. The most disturbing part of that talkback was the number of people he convinced that horse fucking was legitimate.

  • March 10, 2009, 7:24 a.m. CST

    Oh, and the only good recent remake was “Willard”

    by JackPumpkinhead

    Certainly nothing by “the visionary director”.

  • March 10, 2009, 7:25 a.m. CST


    by seppukudkurosawa

    I might have bought it if his name hadn’t sounded so much like “Equine Ass.”

  • March 10, 2009, 7:44 a.m. CST

    Here’s the link to the Chaos review

    by seppukudkurosawa

    (and, more importantly, the talkback): http://www.aintitcool.com/disp lay.cgi?id=24309.

  • March 10, 2009, 7:47 a.m. CST

    David Hess rules

    by Davidhessstation

    David Hess is one of the best movie villians in history. This remake can blow me. I refuse to see it. I saw My Bloody Tampon and Friday the Suck remakes and as the great rock and roll band The Who sings, “Won’t Get Fooled Again.”

  • March 10, 2009, 7:52 a.m. CST

    they mostly remake bad horror movies anyway

    by Spandau Belly

    I know there’s probably a The Exorcist and a The Shining remake in the pipeline somewhere, but for the most part these remakes are just of old movies that only have an iconic villain or a decent premise but are otherwise pretty lame. Sure, Jason is cool looking, but I don’t really like any of his movies other than Jason X where he ventured more into comedy. And I hadn’t heard people talk about ‘The Hitcher’ or ‘My Bloody Valentine’ until the remakes were upon us and even then the hardcore horror buffs had a hard time working up any believable rage over sacred territory.

  • March 10, 2009, 7:58 a.m. CST

    oh, and best horror remake: The Wicker Man

    by Spandau Belly

    Not the bees! My eyes!

  • March 10, 2009, 7:59 a.m. CST


    by solongyoubastard

    It’s interesting that Craven hasn’t used any of his clout from Red Eye to make another movie – that was a successful, well-reviewed thriller wasn’t it? He hasn’t done much since then (co-wrote the disappointing Hills remake sequel but that’s about it), and his next project is apparently Scream 4. Really? I guess he’s just sitting back getting fat off the paychecks from these remakes John Carpenter-style. Looking forward to the new version of Deadly Friend (who’ll play the robot-brain killer this time? My money’s on Beyonce) and of course Platinum Dunes’ redux of Music of the Heart.

  • March 10, 2009, 8:05 a.m. CST

    I rented The Wicker Man remake…

    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    …And while I loved it, it was the versions sans “Not The Bees!”. Still a wonderful film. The commentary track is amazing too. They discuss all the events completely as if nothing funny was happening at all, and its revealed that the most insane moments of the film were Cage improvs/ideas. Watch Neil Labute discuss Cages deep thought process behind the “GIVE ME THE BIKE!” scene.

  • March 10, 2009, 8:09 a.m. CST

    I’m holding out for BIRTH OF MY DEMON LOVER

    by Dolph

    That’s the prequel we need.

  • March 10, 2009, 8:10 a.m. CST

    What about The House Of The Dead remake?

    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    Anyone actually rented that? House Of The Dead: The Funny Version by Uwel Boll? I think I might next time. Just to see what the fuck it is.

  • March 10, 2009, 8:14 a.m. CST

    Possibly the best review I’ve read on this site.

    by dr sauch

    Let’s just give Vern the lion’s share of reviews from now on.

  • March 10, 2009, 8:16 a.m. CST


    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    I rented My Demon Lover when I was like 12 solely to masturbate to it. Jesus, things were tough pre internet.

  • March 10, 2009, 8:19 a.m. CST

    Watched the original recently

    by Darthkrusty

    Thought it wasn’t very good. The music was laughably bad as was the “acting.” It was made in ’72 I think and was Craven’s first effort, so I’ll cut him some slack. It did have some good parts and I’ll catch the remake sooner or later.

    ALSO, Spandau, Mick Garris did that made-for-tv Shining remake about 10 years ago with Rebecca Demornay and that guy from Wings. I didn’t like it much… the little kid bugged the crap outta me. But the Stephen King commentary on the dvd was entertaining & interesting. Otherwise avoid.

  • March 10, 2009, 8:32 a.m. CST

    I don’t get the Urban Legend reference

    by art123guy

    Anyone care to explain?

  • March 10, 2009, 8:45 a.m. CST

    Between Last House and Hills Have eyes…

    by liljuniorbrown

    And evn part of the Freddy Mythos I’m thinking Wes Craven kind of enjoyed the whole rape thing. He seemd to really get off on it. Maybe Roman Polanski was innocent after all, maybe it was Wes Craven who drugged up and butt raped that kid. The evidence is there. Seriously though, If I had a chance to interview him I’d have to ask “So Wes,you seem to like including rape in alot of your work,Whats up with that?” just curios.

  • March 10, 2009, 8:53 a.m. CST

    Pretty Convoluted Review

    by Crow3711

    I barely knew which of the ten movies you reviewed you were talking about at any given time. And where did that Urban Legend paragraph even come from?

  • March 10, 2009, 8:54 a.m. CST


    by Crow3711

  • March 10, 2009, 8:54 a.m. CST


    by Crow3711

  • March 10, 2009, 8:55 a.m. CST


    by Crow3711

    But whinynegbitch. Seriously, save yourself time and DO NOT rent the house of dead: uwe boll. its legit the worst movie ever made, and not even in a fun or good way. Youll lose a few hours YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK. stay away man. far away

  • March 10, 2009, 9:24 a.m. CST

    I was fine with no squid in Watchmen but…

    by Sick Fixx

    No pants pissing in Last House on the Left means I won’t be seeing this!

  • March 10, 2009, 9:42 a.m. CST

    Pumpkinhead / solongyoubastard

    by Vern

    Pumpkinhead: They very carefully set up why they are stranded at the house, don’t worry about that. And not just “my cell phone is out of range.”<p>

    solongyoubastard: Craven has a new movie coming out some time this year called 25/8 I believe. And I do appreciate that he doesn’t sit back and collect the check like Carpenter, he is a hands-on producer in these. Didn’t do much good for Hills Have Eyes 2 though.

  • March 10, 2009, 11:26 a.m. CST

    “I Spit On Your Grave” Is Next….

    by thecomedian

    I’m really curious how that will play without the “I feel like a total creep for watching this fake snuff film” feeling. Hopefully this 70’s ‘lost in the woods’ horror remake trend won’t go all prestigious with a ‘Deliverance’ remake. That would be pure shit.

  • March 10, 2009, 11:49 a.m. CST

    BTW it was Karate Kid/Rambo baddass

    by skimn

    Martin Kove that played the galloot deputy in the original, which I think is a link to Dewey in the Scream series.<p>Best horror remake..?? I have to admit I preferred the American The Ring versus Ringu. But thats probably just me.

  • March 10, 2009, 11:51 a.m. CST

    Vern is my new favorite reviewer on this site…

    by JackLucas

    Seems our sensibilities on these things fall right in line with one another. I, too, was enjoying the hell out of Hills Have Eyes until that goddamn overweight elephant man started droning on about the “men with their bombs” shit. I really hope one of these days we get another great horror film like some of the ones that we got in the late 70’s, early 80’s. One that takes itself seriously and doesn’t feel the need to cater to the thick.

  • March 10, 2009, noon CST

    Re: Deliverance remake

    by skimn

    BITE YOUR TONGUE!! God strike down anyone who thinks that film could be bettered. Probably make it with some young twentysomething EXtreme sports fanatics, white water racing who come across some backwoods terrors. Make sure you give those backwoods boys a backstory, too. Flashback to how they were abused as young ‘uns. Shit!! I may be giving Rob Zombie ideas!!

  • March 10, 2009, 12:05 p.m. CST

    Whoah. Nordic folklore?

    by Raymar

    You learn something new everyday.

  • March 10, 2009, 12:07 p.m. CST

    so…i’m not reading this review

    by jaireaux

    i realize it’s a remake, but when you open with “spoiler alert” i have to stop reading. please, give us a brief review then you can break into the spoilers, please.

  • March 10, 2009, 12:44 p.m. CST


    by menstrual_blitz

    they should have remade this with skinny/nerdy teenage boys as the victims….or, not remade it at all.

  • March 10, 2009, 12:54 p.m. CST

    I must have missed something..

    by How2fish

    All the talk about ‘good people” turned into acting like savages??? WTF when peoples loved ones are treating like these poor girls..its a short trip to the Stone Age..because human kinds darkest secert is that NOTHING, not money drugs, power etc is more hardwired into our brains than defending our loved ones and yes destroying those that harmed them..nothing except surival itself and some may think they are one and the same comes close.

  • March 10, 2009, 12:55 p.m. CST

    too short

    by BobParr

    That was one long ass review bit I will give Vern credit. I just associated him with an argumentative TBer. It was long but clear and well written.

  • March 10, 2009, 1:10 p.m. CST

    If they remake I Spit On Your Grave…

    by Knuckleduster

    I will officially sue.<p> Hey, it’s America. I can, right?

  • March 10, 2009, 1:52 p.m. CST

    and Vern…

    by menstrual_blitz

    you should stop by here more often…

  • March 10, 2009, 3:04 p.m. CST

    CHAOS talkback should be restored

    by johnnylawless2

    last I checked, quite a bit was missing. It gets even funnier when you read it years later and all out of context. Just wild..

  • March 10, 2009, 4:58 p.m. CST


    by thecomedian

    It’s been announced since last June. I don’t know how far along they are but I Spit On Your Grave is indeed getting remade. I know, I know, it’s shitlords.

  • March 10, 2009, 5:48 p.m. CST

    They shouldn’t remake I Spit On Your Grave

    by seppukudkurosawa

    They should UNMAKE it.

  • March 10, 2009, 6:18 p.m. CST

    House of Wax…

    by BlacksOnBlondes

    is far and away the best of the new horror remakes.

  • March 10, 2009, 6:20 p.m. CST

    Anyone who hates the pants pissing scene…

    by Sick Fixx

    Doesn’t get LHOTL. The pants pissing is the foundation of the story!

  • March 10, 2009, 7:13 p.m. CST


    by menstrual_blitz


  • March 10, 2009, 8:09 p.m. CST


    by Sal_Bando


  • March 11, 2009, 12:21 a.m. CST

    fun fact

    by The Amazing G

    when I saw Watchmen with my mom (yes I saw it with my mom, what of it?) we saw a trailer for this and she said to me “ooh, I’d like to see this!’ :|

  • March 11, 2009, 12:22 a.m. CST

    and regarding The Hills Have Eyes remake

    by The Amazing G

    I watched it on HBO once expecting it to be bad and was shocked by how pretty much awesome it was, the sequel is pretty damn bad though

  • March 11, 2009, 4:38 a.m. CST

    What no panty pissing scene? Count me out.

    by alucardvsdracula

  • Oct. 4, 2010, 9:31 a.m. CST

    Learn to spell TmvEqK

    by orcus

    WTF RU doing?

  • Oct. 4, 2010, 9:33 a.m. CST

    TmvEqK = QcoIQh

    by orcus


This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 17th, 2009 at 10:59 pm and is filed under AICN, Horror, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

7 Responses to “Vern sees LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (remake [not CHAOS])!”

  1. not one comment huh?

    i thought this was pretty great. it’s hard to throw this in the ranks of the remakes because it keeps an entirely different tone than most any rehash i’ve seen (except maybe Hills, like you said). as much horror as i watch, the scenes with the girls in the woods were pretty unbearable, just like it’s supposed to be, and the level of suspense in the final act i ungodly high.

    so yeah, this was a success, and thanks for recommending, cause i’ve been doing my best to avoid these remakes lately. this one definitely stands above.

    and the last scene did seem totally out of place. guess they wanted to unburden the crowd before they left the theatre.

  2. So I just now got around to seeing it. I really wasn’t too fussy about the idea of remaking this one even though I’ve seen the original more times than I care to admit. I was more curious as to why they were remaking it (of all things left to re-make) and how (what could possibly be brought to the table that would even make this WORTH re-making). I’m glad they pulled it off and even though I probably won’t be giving this one much replay, I’m sure I’ll be thinking about it for quite a while. As usual, your review was spot on. Funny about “I Spit on Your Grave”. I caught myself thinking about that movie a lot while watching this.

  3. My favorite of the horror remakes have been Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN (just the first one), WIZARD OF GORE, and this one, LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT. I thought the first half of Zombie’s HALLOWEEN film was just breathtaking. It should have won him an award. Maybe the academy needs a “Most Hard-Hitting” category?

    The original Wizard of Gore is a steaming pile of crap, not even deserving of capital letters, but the remake with Crispin Glover is B-movie bliss…. not to be missed. IT HAS BRAD DOURIF FAHCHRISSAKES…

    I loved this Last House. If you look at it absent of it’s source material, it’s very well done dark, effective horror thriller. And since I hate the original, I have no problem doing just that.

  4. the only decent horror remakes I saw (though keep in mind, it’s not like I saw every one of them) was Dawn of The Dead and The Hills Have Eyes

  5. For those of you who keep track: The original is now the latest classic, that isn’t banned in Germany anymore. Although honestly, it’s the only one so far that I couldn’t give two shits about.

  6. CJ – i do actually keep track of this and thank you for the continued updates. your good self and movie-censorship.com are my lifelines where this kind of shit is concerned.

  7. and refused-classification.com of course for us who are more Australian inclined.

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