The Running Man

tn_runningman1Arnold Schwarzenegger is… THE RUNNING MAN. That’s actually what it says on the credits, which makes me feel good, makes me proud to be an American. In fact, I’m gonna make a new tag for this review called “is…” If you can think of some other movies where the star “is…” the title, let me know. But only if it’s in the actual opening credits, not just the trailer or the poster, at least for now. We’ll see how many we can find.

THE RUNNING MAN was a book Stephen King wrote in 1982 when he was on the lam and hiding out under the alias Richard Bachman. I read it back in the ’80s so I don’t remember it in much detail, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the same kind of goofy cartoon shit as the movie. It was about a brutal game show of the future where contestants tried to get across the country without being killed. I think there were bounty hunters after them, but also they’d become famous through the show and regular people would try to kill them to collect a reward. It’s like American Idol except instead of participating by calling in you do it by shooting at the guy. The main character was kind of like Kowalski in VANISHING POINT, he ended up capturing the hearts of everybody at home and they started rooting for him to get away.

The book was written before “reality TV” even existed. There wasn’t even COPS or THE REAL WORLD. It could’ve been influenced by DEATH RACE 2000, but I still give King credit for predicting this type of shit. When THE AMAZING RACE started I thought shit, we’re half way there. Just cross this with AMERICA’S MOST WANTED.

mp_runningmanBut the movie crosses it with AMERICAN GLADIATORS, which is kind of dumb but fun in its own way. They put the contestants in an enclosed maze, make them wear shiny jumpsuits and send “Stalkers” after them – fighters with corny nicknames, costumes and gimmicks. The best are Sub-Zero (Professor Toru Tanaka with a bladed hockey stick and exploding puck), Fireball (Jim Brown with flamethrower, jetpack and skunk stripes in his hair), and Dynamo (a fat guy in light-up Spartan armor who sings opera and shoots electricity from his hands). In the studio old ladies from the audience tell the host Killian (Richard Dawson from FAMILY FEUD) who their favorites are, in the streets people bet on who will draw first blood. They’re blood thirsty but mostly they’re brainwashed – they’ve been taught these are the good guys so they root for them. When the actual good guy fights back they don’t approve of his violence.

That good guy is… Arnold Schwarzenegger. He was a cop working in a police state who refused a command to fire on unarmed rioters. So they locked him up. The corporate/state media plays edited footage to make it look like he did fire on civilians and play him up as a villain for their TV show. Meanwhile, Maria Conchita Alonso (Salma Hayek of the ’80s) is a network employee who figures out he’s innocent, so they say she’s a ho and put her in the game too.

The satire is broad, but pretty good. When Killian needs to pull some strings he first calls the Justice Department – Entertainment Division, then changes his mind and calls the president’s agent. To cover the legality of becoming a contestant they appoint an agent, not a lawyer.

More than the ol’ “people want violent entertainment” saw it makes the more important point that no matter who runs the media – in this case both corporations and the government, because they’re the same thing – it creates a conflict of interest in the news. So they tell the story misleadingly to make the government look good, to cover up wrongdoing, and to sensationalize things for the sake of ratings. Very prescient points by THE RUNNING MAN.

Schwarzenegger had already done PREDATOR, but it hadn’t come out yet when he filmed this. His character is pretty cool, but not that cool. He chews a cigar, busts out of prison, reluctantly helps a revolution. In prison he carries a pylon on his shoulder like he carried a log in COMMANDO. The script is by Steven E. De Souza, always trying to prove that DIE HARD was a fluke. This probaly has the worst one-liners of Schwarzenegger’s career until BATMAN AND ROBIN. In fact this movie specifically might be what they were making fun of with that “McBain” character on the Simpsons cartoon. I think every time he kills somebody he makes some terrible pun. I guess my favorite is when somebody asks what happened to the guy he just sawed in half, and he says, “He had to split.”

You know that dumb cliche where the hero faces down the villain and repeats back some line the villain said earlier, to show that the tables have turned? In this he says a whole series of lines. How did he remember all that? I didn’t even remember it and I experienced it in movie time. I doubt Killian remembers where it came from either, the irony has gotta be lost on him. That’s not cool.

It is cool that they got Richard Dawson to be in this, and that he does a good job. I’m surprised he was willing to play such a bastard. That’s gotta be a movie first to have a real game show host playing an asshole villain. I don’t know of another one until Bob Barker’s cameo in HAPPY MADISON.

captainfreedomIt’s also great to see Jesse Ventura in here as Captain Freedom, a retired Stalker who wears a blue blazer like an NFL commentator. After Kimball kills all the other Stalkers Captain Freedom is forced out of retirement. But he objects – not because he doesn’t want to die, but because “ten years ago I used to kill guys like that with my bare hands” but now they got him wearing a mechanized arm. He talks about how it used to be a sport of honor. That might be the best thing in the movie: a killer nostalgic for the more honorable early days of the brutal dystopian murder-sport. Even when society is crushed by tyranny you can count on everything going further downhill.

At least that’s my favorite touch in the movie. Yours might be the part where Alonso claims the reason she still has a crucial digital video disc is because she hid it somewhere sensitive, i.e. her butt or her girl area. It’s supposed to be a throwaway joke but if you stop to consider the logistics it’s pretty ridiculous. If I ever watch this again I’m gonna be looking to see if she sits comfortably or not. I wonder if Alonso kept that in mind for all those scenes. You know, most movies are shot out of sequence, so the director probaly says “Okay Maria, in this scene you are being chased by Dynamo, and he’s trying to electrocute you. So I want you to come over here, here’s your mark, and you turn this way and you call out for Kimball. And don’t forget you have a floppy disc up your kooch. Okay, let’s go.”

With this type of satire in a sci-fi action movie you can’t help but think of Paul Verhoeven. But enjoyable as it is, this is no Verhoeven (who Schwarzenegger would work with three years later on TOTAL RECALL). It’s way better than ROBOCOP 3, but it has that same approach of having the heroes realize what a fucked up world they live in and fighting against it. Part of Verhoeven’s genius was presenting this horrible world and then pretending he thinks it’s okay. This one also doesn’t push violence the way Verhoeven does, or the way BATTLE ROYALE would years later with a similar premise. There’s one exploding head from far away. Apparently the producers made them cut other ones out.

Speaking of the producers (who include Rob “THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS” Cohen), I blame them for this movie not being great. Their job is to find somebody who can make it well in the alotted time and budget, but they failed to find that balance. They first hired a pre-ABOVE THE LAW Andrew Davis, but he went way overschedule shooting the jailbreak (surprise: best sequence in the movie) so they fired him. They started back up 2 days later with Mark Glaser, a TV (and BAND OF THE HAND) director who had previously turned down the movie because he thought there wasn’t enough time to prep. Not very experienced and now he’s finishing somebody else’s movie in worse circumstances than the ones he already thought were undoable. That explains why most of the action is pretty stiff or awkward (like the phony-looking fight in the helicopter at the beginning.)

So this is a low-rent version of a Verhoeven type movie, but you know, there aren’t enough movie of this type, so I’m willing to go easy on it. Not essential Schwarzenegger, but unique enough to be worth watching.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 12th, 2009 at 7:12 pm and is filed under Action, Reviews, Science Fiction and Space Shit. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

46 Responses to “The Running Man”

  1. I like this movie, but it does piss me off how different from the Stephen King book they made it

  2. I’m just waiting for JJ Abrams to finally bring the Dark Tower. Now THAT will be fantastic, especially if they cast Roland just right.

  3. I love the last shootout because every guy that Arnold shoots takes a dramatic fall, like falling over a railing, falling down stairs, or falling down that rocket-sled-chute thing.

  4. Sub-Zero..now Plain Zero.

  5. I watched this last Christmas (hey, I’m an old fashioned guy), and had always loved it as a kid, but as Vern mentions you can’t shake the feeling, what if Verhoven had directed it?

    I didn’t know about the shoot problems, but that certainly explains some of the weird cheap/inept parts, also cool to know Killian was played by a real game show host, perhaps though he is a little to convincing as a grade a prick!

    So hopefully Platinum Dunes will pick this up and remake it right!

  6. caruso_stalker217

    May 13th, 2009 at 12:35 am

    I love this movie. As an adaptation it fucking sucks, but as a cheesy ’80s movie it’s pretty goddamn good.

    I’m still hoping they make a RUNNING MAN that’s faithful to the book some day. Doubt they’d keep the ending, though.

  7. Great review, man. Interesting piece of trivia though, I think the director was Paul Michael Glaser. Otherwise known as Starsky, and also director of the unappreciated and insightful study of urban plight Kazaam. Kind of a mindfuck, huh?

  8. For any reason I never watched this movie complete. I always catch the first half or the last half. And always a cut TV version. :P
    BTW, in 1970 an at that time highly controversial, but also critically praised TV movie was made in Germany. It was called “Das Millionenspiel” (The Millions Game) and was about a Game Show, where a group of Bounty Hunters are hunting a candidate. If he survives for seven days, he wins a million bucks. The host of the show was played by Dieter Thomas Heck, a famous German showmaster, and even comedian Dieter Hallervorden played a role in this. (Interesting enough: When the movie was shown on TV, some people thought this was real and called the TV station, either to complain or to ask about being a candidate or even bounty hunter!)

  9. “Ben I know you’re pissed” + “I can pick anyone I choose. And I choose… Ben Richards” [;>]. That boy is one mean motherf##ker [Is that right??? Ain't watched this for years].
    Silly yellow outfits made this film look cheap but fun anyway…………………http://tinyurl.com/rarkhb

  10. Yes A.J., the director was Paul Michael Glaser, ole Starsky. And Mondowray, the Special Edition DVD has two commentaries, with the solo one by Cohen being a non-scene-specific tale of the making of the movie. It is one of my favorite commentaries, if slightly biased coming from a producer, but there are tales of multiple early directors and Davis’ long-ass filming of the prison break sequence which led to his replacement. And bryan, I always called those deaths the “bullet-riddled boogie”, a “technique” first used heavily in Commando!

    While this is certainly ’80s cheese, there’s something to be said of its audience manipulation. I saw it in the theater while visiting friends at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, the first college I got kicked out of. The game show setup allowed a very visceral reaction, as the “game show crowd” would cheer the imminent death of the Runners, then the movie audience would cheer their victory as the “game show crowd” moaned the Stalkers’ deaths. It really was a great juicer of audience participation.

    For me the bottom-line is the movie is fun. That’s something that often gets overlooked when talking about film: simple entertainment. You can watch the movie looking at the effect of budget limitations, plot-holes and cheese-dipped dialog, or you can sit back and enjoy the fun. You’ve got a silly idea filled with guns, comedy, some great death and more. It’s a fun movie.

  11. It at least followed the premise of the book. For an example of a movie that is NOTHING like the story see LAWNMOWER MAN. I think Kings’ best Bachman book is THE LONG WALK. Darobant wants to make that I think. It could be something really special with him involved.

  12. Didn’t know about the director swapping, but it explains the uneven action scenes (yep, the opening scene in the helicopter wasn’t convincing at all).

    Richard Dawson was a memorable TV show host-slash-villain. And did you notice the bizarro posters for fictional TV shows in the background? “Hate Boat”, “Confess”, etc. That’s the future of Reality TV, baby.

  13. 1) Steven Seagal ‘is’ Hard to Kill.

    2) Arnie would beat Seagal any day. Seagalogy is first book i ever bought online and first book i read cover-to-cover for 8 years (so ta4 that part vern), I seen every Seagal movie 0.4-15 times (i will try shadow man again but i was sleepy and it no so good… o.f.j.&siege tie for 15) but every Arnie movie 2 to 125 times (excluding tv. junior x2 commando x120 only because it had 2 year headstart on pred) so i say this with confidence. I think lundgren beats seagal too (showdown in little toyko x ~20) but seagal beats van damme (cyborg x ~30). For 3 years I thought Seagal’s first appearance was the bad guy of Action Jackson which I watched 6 times for Seagal moreso than Carl – who would also beat Seagal.

    Point is of course that Arnie ‘is’ moreso Hard to Kill than Seagal, statistics show 8.3 times, which is a lot & by coincidence same exact ratio as Jet to Brandon. Running Man dun fuck about – nothing but hard hitters, though I am almost equal fan of the action bands like Pred, Cyborg, He-Man and of course Steel Frontier (BTW Steel is in my all time top 10 up there with singin in the rain and I cried and got chest pains when i didn’t read it in your stupid badass awards stopping immediate so FU vern and friends).

    Long point to say hard hitters is what made running man great to must see. Fuck for the professor alone – eye4eyex5, missing in action 2x~44 and martial law (x 8) (even if martial law 2 (x12) has better/more hard hitters), but put in Blane and his Russian friend, the HNIC, Dyno, Buzz and Jimmy Fireball, Hauer’s wedlock heads and fucking no contest version of escape from ny vs robocop (the satire and violence i mean) that can’t fucking have a review of it end with “non-essential arnie viewing”. FU vern you fucking rapist (my friend says he wont read u cos u r rapist. i think a fair stance but i say it is too easy to stand tall when we all hiding shit in the pit of our stomachs that comes out when is dark and wet enough so i say no fair to not read, but fair to call as name when casting aspersion on one of greatest films ever in terms of hard hitter vs yipper line-up).

    3) Pre-salma was actually in McBain (though i doubt in simpsons)

    4) Trejo ‘is’ Machette (well ok i just hope hard they use ‘is’ so fair not to count).

    5) Did you ever see Traxx? You should see Traxx and Steel Frontier as your immediate priority mr Vern. For watch not review. I offer this tips in friendship.

    6) Fuck. I am racking my brain with the ‘is’ thing. I got 40+ almost memories that I think may be false. Like Dark Angel, Mel Gibson’s Hamlet, Terminator 1, The Jazz Singer (Neil), surely Clint’s at least one of them… aha what about ‘are’ because only one I am 100% sure of is my memory of Resovoir Dogs has the dudes walkin up with each name credit followed by “are” “reservoir dogs”.

    I think ‘are’ counts so score 1 to arma. 2 if seagal’s ‘is’ part of hard to kill trailer was incorporated into opening credits introducing psuedo-seagal.

    7) I prolly start commenting a bit now that i finally got the draw to start and since people dun tend to like me i gotta start by saying fuck all you other commenters here i really think you all suck shit, and vern is on the ropes with this aspersion against arne but we see. that is all.

    arma

  14. I just want to add reservoir dogs ‘are’ might be discounted by fact that reservoir dogs doesn’t actually mean anything and tarantino only named movie that cos when he was workin in video store and customer asked for movie reccomendation and tarantino offered french movie and customer couldn’t repeat so said “reservoir dogs?” and that’s why tarantino named it reservoir dogs so really it should be called “reservoir dogs?” which might not fit with the spirit of vern’s pop-quiz which was movies that have a definitive “is” rather than movies that have questions and for whole groups at that. that is all. so possible real score drops to zero. FU vern and friends, mebbe you try for some instead of wait for me to generate them all u fucking faggots.

  15. 1 star vote you asshole. im off to watch running man again.

  16. Arcadian DelSol

    May 13th, 2009 at 8:26 am

    King novels are almost impossible to film. So much of what makes his writing unbested is the way he turns a phrase and is able to put raw emotion into words that translate that raw emotion directly into your brain. The only way a movie can do that is with action and really, have you ever read a King novel and thought “wow that would make an awesome action movie!”

    While his books do have the occasional thermonuclear bomb-de-bomb blowing up vast portions of the Vegas Strip, these moments usually show up about 2.5 inches into the book. Thats a lot of staging and exposition for a movie just to get to an action scene.

    The only King Movie (or mini-series) that ever came close was Christine, but the director sort of lucked into that – the period music so perfectly contrasted the drama, that the conflict just dripped with vivid emotion. Beautiful girl is choking to death in a car and the radio starts playing a hit love song by The Platters – a scene like that just BEGS to be put to film. Unfortunately, there’s no built-in sound track for The Langoliers, and no matter how you try to film it, its always going to be evil pac-man vs The Airport.

    holy damn, all that just to say “I dont think The Tower is filmable.” – Im as bad as Moriarty.

  17. I was just talking about Running Man yesterday, when a friend of mine compared the upcoming Gerard Butler movie “Gamer” ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAQkuURLOwM ) to the Death Race remake.

  18. I also think RM is fun. And I like that the villain has a comeback to the “I’ll Be Back” with “Only in a rerun”.

  19. Clubside: I will certainly have to buy the special edition for the commentary, those are the sort I really dig.

    As a few people have commented, ultimately the film is fun and at the same time the film got more and more apt over the years.

  20. Running Man is dope. I love when Ventura’s character keeps trying to recall a story and gets cut off. Whadda douche.

  21. Hey Armageddon, I know you’re kidding so I don’t mind you telling me to fuck off and all that, but please don’t be calling people “faggots” in my comments. My goal is to not have to do any moderating at all here but the one rule is “don’t be a dick,” and going around calling people faggots in this day and age is being a dick. So cool off a little, bud, and we’ll be fine.

    Thanks for all the comments and info everybody. I meant to listen to that Rob Cohen commentary but didn’t have time, now I regret it.

  22. Oh yeah, that “GAMER” trailer reminded me of RUNNING MAN too, although visually it did look like DEATH RACE (remake). It actually looked like a cool movie although I’m skeptical with those CRANK guys directing, it’s at least gonna be disorienting camerawork I assume.

  23. Yeah Vern, catch the Cohen commentary. He almost “calmly” goes off the rails talking about Davis, and some of the earlier director’s stories are quite funny. He also rambles on about politics and allegory. The commentary is almost non-stop, and as he rarely mentions what’s actually going on in the scenes you’re seeing, it’s almost a very entertaining look into Hollywood at the time, particularly leveraged financing of films sold overseas based solely on attached talent.

    Other movies you haven’t reviewed that have pretty classic commentaries: CHUD (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers) which had a number of name actors like Daniel Stern who are on the commentary joking about the making of and the lack of payment for the movie; Dead Heat (the Joe Piscopo and Treat Williams Zombie cop movie) with some longtime industry people discussing both the silly movie and the failure of smaller production companies of the ’80s; and Used Cars, the classic Kurt Russell comedy that was also an early Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale (the Back to the Future guys) collaboration, and they all have great little stories like the stunt men’s kids used who literally fell out of the station wagon.

  24. Unfortunately the only thing I can recall being close to the “is…” titling is Bruce Campbell vs. THE ARMY OF DARKNESS.

    Like AU_Armageddon I seem to vaguely recall the trailer saying Steven Seagal is HARD TO KILL. I also think they might have mentioned he is OUT FOR JUSTICE while at the same time being MARKED FOR DEATH. But I don’t think that carried over to the actual movie titles. Maybe there is someone reading these comments who has a more in-depth understanding of the films of Steven Seagal and can say for sure. Seems unlikely, but you never know.

  25. I have made peace with being a dick long ago, but i will try keep your board faggot-free (see I canna help it). I may have harsh words over Collateral though – stopped reading 2 sentences in reeling with shock. Twice in one day almost feels personal. I will wait til sober before read so i can be fair.

  26. I absolutely agree with the difficulty of translating King’s work in movies. I have the DVD of Salem’s Lot , by Tobe Hooper , and it’s not very good , and Christine , by John Carpenter , is enjoyable , but not good enough.I finished both books before watching the movies , so maybe I was expecting too much , but , I mean , Hooper and Carpenter directing King’s adaptations? It’ s strange that this movies are NOT masterpieces!

    Also , Maria Conchita Alonso. I remember her from 2 very obvious movies:

    Predator 2 : where she grabs Bill Paxton’ balls.

    The Running Man:where she calls Dynamo “dickless moron”.

    So she’ all about the genitalia!

  27. I think the weirdest “is” I have heard was “Peter Billingsly is The Dirt Bike Kid.”

    Instead of just being “the Kid from A Christmas Story,” he can also ride dirt bikes.

    Apparently he only took the role because the “is” treatment is a big thing and was written in his contract. How nutty is that?

  28. Okay , I re-watched The Running Man ( The Implacable in my Italian dubbed VHS) , and I’m happy to report that it is still pretty enjoyable. I obviously like the bad dialogue and the gimmicks of the various Stalkers , but I also like the soundtrack (NOT the final song ) , it’s pure eighties sound , and all the little touches like the posters and THE BOARD GAME! Man , I wish I can go out right now an buy that shit!

    Also: Maria Conchita Alonso.In my dubbed version she calls Dynamo “a moron with a battery in his balls” , so the Alonso-Balls theme is intact even in my country.Maria Conchita Alonso IS the Queen of Testicles , put this line in the Blue-Ray extended edition!

    A final note: In my opinion Jesse Ventura is able to look badass in a turtleneck , just like Shaft.

  29. Vern, don’t basically any of Seagal’s “Golden Era” works fall into your “is” category? Steven Seagal IS “Marked for Death”, “Hard to Kill”, “Out for Justice”, “Screwing Kelly Le Brock”, “The Glimmer Man”, “Under Siege”, “On Deadly Ground”.

    Running Man is the shit. I mean Jim Brown is in it, nuff said.

  30. Here’s SubZero, now Plain Zero! I love that line. For another fun dystopian future/game where people kill each other, try the book The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. It’s meant for young adults, but I think it works pretty well as an adult read. There are a few annoying instances of deus ex machina, but I was pretty engrossed in the story and I’m curious to see where the series goes. Also, it’s surprisingly violent.

  31. I recall Royal Rumble 90 Jesse hosting wearing a white Mickey Mouse windcheater and mardi-gras sunnies and still pulling off goddam sexual Tyrannosaurus look. If manliness was a movie then voice and chin are obviously script and producer, respectively.

  32. I gotta check my DVDs, but I don’t think any of the Seagal ones say “is…” on the movie itself, just the trailer. The closest I could think of off the top of my head was the one already mentioned, Bruce Campbell vs. Army of Darkness. Maybe RUNNING MAN is… a true original.

  33. Hey Vern… solid review as usual… but I gotta’ mention a line that really stands out as being possibly Arnold’s best freak-out, ridiculous line since “Crush the enemies…” from Conan.

    There’s a part in the movie when Killian tries to offer Arnold’s character a contract because he’s so damn good at killing and Arnold’s reply is classic:

    “I’ll tell you what I think of it, Killian, you cold-blooded bastard: I’d love to see you eat that contract. But you better leave enough room for my fist, ’cause I’m gonna’ ram it in your stomach and break your goddamn spine! AAAArgh!!!

  34. Yeah Vern I don’t think that the DVD covers have the Seagal movies like that but I could have sworn the commercials for them did. Hmmm, maybe I’ll kill some time on YouTube see if I can’t find something worthy.

  35. i haven’t even read the review yet, i’m just overjoyed that you’re tackling the Arnold stuff now Vern. thanks man.

  36. I always loved that, after signing the douchey agent guy’s contract, he pins it to his back by stabbing him with his pen. Anyone who has spent time around agents should be able to relate….

  37. Well , Harrison Ford is…..The Fugitive…..in the Poster! I don’t remember if the movie has that kind of opening , but I will keep my eyes open !

  38. Neat!

  39. Vern, this is kind of unrelated, but when are you going to get around to reviewing The Bank Job? Statham’s best movie no question, not saying much but still, and a great throw back to the old school kind of crime movie, like the same vibe Tarantino was going for with Jackie Brown. Good stuff.

  40. I have to say, I love this movie! Maybe it’s a nostalga thing but I watched in HD not so long ago and it just took me back!!Thought you would be more on board with it. The soundtrack’s great to, I find it eerie, atmospheric. Loads of quotables, great villian and we have the old Schwartzenegger we all miss today. Paul Micheal Glazer directed (his debut I believe). Anyway Vern, just discovered your site today (I’m a devout Seagalogist) so look forward to browsing through it, no doubt agreeing, disagreeing but most importantly, laughing. Many thanks for Segalogy. It is easily my most read book of all time. Doesn’t say a hell of a lot about me I guess…

  41. Bob Barker’s cameo was in Happy GILMORE not Happy “Madison”. Don’t mean to be a stickler for minute details but I felt compelled to say something since its my second favorite golf movie behind Caddyshack. The Running Man is definitely not a movie that will be remembered for it’s cinematography or it’s script but damn if it’s not one of the BEST cheesy 80’s movies and one of the BEST cheesy Arnold movies. I think this movie and Commando are right up there neck and neck for first place in my book.

  42. I have to admit that this movie would have been fantastic if directed by Paul Verhoeven. Still it’s pretty fantastic. I can’t believe some of the shit that’s said in this movie but ol’ Arnie makes it hilarious.

    My favourite line is still the rambling “I hope you leave enough room for my fist, because I’m going to ram it into your stomach and break your goddamn spine!”

  43. Doesn’t it go, “Steven Seagal is….. Out for Justice” ?

  44. Arcadian DelSol – you hit the nail on the head as to why most Stephen King movies don’t work, who are you by the way?

    as a matter of fact, going back and re-reading these old Vern reviews I’m struck by how many people commented on them that don’t post anymore, what happened to all those guys?

  45. That’s one of the things that has bummed me out while going through every review to make the Timeline, Griff. At times there were over 100 unique comment authors, where’d they all go?

    On an unrelated note I am beginning my Seagalfest in a few minutes, every Seagal movie in a row through The Patriot. I’d go further but I’m missing a fair number of the early DTV-era ones, plus it’ll interrupt my normal TV-filled XBMC life. I’m hoping to spot some other things to bust Vern on beyond his mistake in Executive Decision. Still sucks the old Silver and Golden-era Seagal’s aren’t on the site, I’m itching to break out the Bogosian quotes.

    Running Man still rocks. “Go ahead. Won’t show on this shirt.”

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