Archive for the ‘Blog Post (short for weblog)’ Category

Ladies and gentlemen, THE SUPER-KUMITE!

Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

tn_Super-KumiteFriends, I am proud to announce a new event, THE SUPER-KUMITE, tournament of tournaments. It is a 3-round tournament of fighting tournament movies, with only one victor.

I’ve been wanting to do this for a year or two, but it took me a while to figure out how to make it work. Even once I did I made some mistakes and had to do some adjustments. It turns out there are less straight-up tournament movies than I imagined, and weirdly little information about them on the internet.

Here’s how it will work: I’ve put together 8 teams of 3 movies each which will be pitted against each other in one-on-one match-ups. In round 1 the chronological first films from each of the eight teams will compete in four bouts. The four winning teams will send their second movie to round 2, to be whittled down to the two finalists, which will compete for the crown. (read the rest of this shit…)

Vern Predicts: Cheeto-sponsored movie news

Tuesday, May 28th, 2013


I am posting this not as an attack on the websight in question, which I sometimes read, and which I know at least one of the regulars here writes for, but simply as a presentation of the facts at hand and a demonstration of my powers.

On April 1, 2008, I posted a fake redesign titled “Cheetohs Presents Vern’s Cinematic Movie Blog.” It was full of dumbed down and crassly commercialized content including, for some reason, a sidebar with the nutrition information from a bag of Cheetos:


(read the rest of this shit…)

by the way, Nothing Lasts Forever is back in print

Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

I meant to post about this months ago, but things came up or whatever. Just wanted to make sure everybody knows that Roderick Thorpe’s Nothing Lasts Forever, the long-out-of-print book that became DIE HARD, was re-released earlier this year by a company called Graymalkin Media. Of course I prefer the beautiful painted cover on the beat up version I bought on ebay long ago, but those got to be real pricey in recent years so I’m glad it has been made available again to the people.

For those who read electronic fake books instead of human ones there is a bonus, apparently the ebook includes Thorpe’s recently unearthed 11-page handwritten treatment for the book. So that’s probly pretty cool.

For a pretty in-depth book-to-movie comparison I wrote many years ago click here.

An interview with Jesse V. Johnson

Tuesday, May 14th, 2013

tn_packageI don’t think I’ve ever posted something from another writer before, and I don’t plan to do much of that, but when david j. moore (all lower case, like e.e. cummings) asked if I wanted to run an interview he did with stuntman/director Jesse V. Johnson I thought it sounded good to me. Johnson is on my short list of DTV-directors-to-keep-an-eye-on, and I’ve written about his movies PIT FIGHTER, THE BUTCHER and THE PACKAGE.

Moore is a contributor to many websights and magazines, most importantly Fangoria (because I subscribe to that) and he has an awesome-sounding book coming out next year called WORLD GONE WILD: A SURVIVOR’S GUIDE TO POST-APOCALYPTIC MOVIES, where he reviews more than 800 post-apocalypse movies and interviews many of their creators. His second book will be even more up our alley because it’s all about action stars. And I know he’s going all out for that because he told me he interviewed Lorenzo Lamas and asked him about NIGHT OF THE WARRIOR.

Here he talks Jesse V. Johnson, who discusses working with everyone from Steve Austin to Steven Spielberg. It’s a nice talk that’s very frank about what it’s like making low budget movies for video or the SyFy channel.

Thank you David for the interview and the rest of you I hope you enjoy it.

(read the rest of this shit…)

gone fishin’

Saturday, May 4th, 2013

Just a heads up to tn_ironmanmy outlaw friends, I’m gonna be off the grid for several days, taking a break from internet for a spiritual journey, training montage, vacation, etc. So please bear with me,  it will be a bit before I watch and review the return of Shane Black and Iron Man, but I look forward to it when I get back.

I do have two reviews set to post for Monday and Tuesday, and should also have a new column on Daily Grindhouse one of those days. I could play it cool and pretend everything is normal, in case I need an alibi. “No, I couldn’t have been fighting in the Kumite, see, I posted reviews on those days.” But what if some horrible thing happens in the news and it looks like I’m insensitive for just posting reviews like everything is normal? That’s why I want you to know it’s pre-programmed. If a megasnake attacks or something don’t be offended by my just posting a review. But don’t you think if I let a megasnake stop me from posting two reviews of cult movies then the megasnake has won? fuck a megasnake.

thanks guys, have a good week and we’ll talk soon

Patrick Hughes to direct THE EXPENDABLES 3

Wednesday, April 24th, 2013

tn_redhillWell, you know us, we like to talk about who should direct the next EXPENDABLES. Of course the answer is a John like maybe Hyams or Woo or McTiernan via satellite. But we knew those were not gonna happen. Recently Stallone twittered that he wanted Mel Gibson to direct it, but even he admitted that was unlikely to happen. It is not clear whether or not he asked Danny Glover as a backup.

A few days ago Stallone twittered about meeting with a “NEW BLOOD” director who he said most of us haven’t heard of. We now know for sure that he was not trying to hint at John Carl Buechler, director of FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD. He has revealed that he chose the Australian director Patrick Hughes. I liked his movie RED HILL, which you can read my review of here.

I gotta say, it’s a surprisingly good choice. Who knows how much power Hughes will have (Stallone is often accused of choosing puppet directors so he can control the production without having to do all the directing), or how he’ll do with a bigger production, or what he’ll even want to do with this series. But if he brings any of RED HILL’s foreboding tone and western classicism to it that can only be a good thing.

Note that the FAST AND FURIOUS series is being taken over by James Wan, also an Aussie. Let’s get Greg McLean on a new TRANSPORTER or something.

Trying a new approach

Wednesday, April 10th, 2013


Even though you’re mad at me for liking the EVIL DEAD remake hopefully you’ll all be sticking around for a while, so let’s discuss some business. You might’ve noticed I changed some things on the sidebar and added a Paypal tip jar/donation box, as some of you suggested a long time ago. I am a proud man and haven’t begged for money before so I figured I should explain myself. (read the rest of this shit…)

Holy shit, some good news for once

Friday, April 5th, 2013


I don’t know if this means McTiernan let him out on the way in or what. And seriously, reading this did remind me I gotta do my taxes.

UPDATE: He’s on house arrest until July 18th, so if they plan to film EXPENDABLES 3 before then hopefully he has a big backyard.

to do list:

1. that James Brown biopic Spike Lee wants him to star in
2. show up at the end of AVENGERS 2, decapitate that dumb space monster guy and strut off
3. also make an appearance in the movie as Blade, although the previously described scene would be as himself
4. Get a new tax guy. I’m sure he’s done this already.
5. Make amends with David S. Goyer just in case the Marvel thing doesn’t work out.6. commentary track for that GALLOWWALKER thing
7. after rekindling Sly friendship in EXPENDABLES 3 move on to BULLET TO THE HEAD II. (this assumes part 1 is massive video hit like AUSTIN POWERS)
8. whatever the fuck he wants to do. He’s Wesley Snipes.

thanks to Matt L. for the tip


Roger Ebert

Friday, April 5th, 2013

tn_ebertWell, I know I’m late to this wake, and many people have written more thorough and more personal words about Mr. Ebert than I could. The closest I ever came to meeting him was when a commenter here chose the name “Simulacrum of Roger Ebert” and I wanted so badly to believe it might be him that I decided maybe it was and made a fool of myself. (Don’t worry bud, all is forgiven.) But I want to say something because I really believe I might not be doing what I’m doing with my life if not for Siskel & Ebert. Which might be a positive for my financial future but otherwise would suck.

Ebert had the type of broad attitude towards movies that I try to encourage. Like expected from a film critic before the internet he was big on film history (did a great commentary track on CITIZEN KANE), loved the foreign films and all that. But he was also very open to the lowbrow. He assumed he was speaking to smart people and yet didn’t act like a snob. You would see Gene and Roger get excited about action movies (see below), kid’s movies, whatever. If they loved it they would stand up for it and not be ashamed and that’s when they were at their best. (although it was hilarious when they fought.) (read the rest of this shit…)

Another new design at Vern’s Flea Market: Argyle

Friday, March 15th, 2013

Okay, I appreciate everybody’s patience with the last couple designs. Now here’s one that some Val Verdian’s might actually want to wear. This is a ’70s iron-on inspired design honoring one of the under-recognized greats of cinema along with one of his most significant action achievements.