Archive for the ‘Blog Post (short for weblog)’ Category

New design at Vern’s Flea Market: Pauline Kael

Monday, March 11th, 2013

I read about movies alot, and I come across these articles all the time about “are critics relevant anymore?” I read about veteran critics being laid off and about movies not being screened for critics and I see comments all the time from people who don’t seem to understand what the point of criticism is, people who claim to love movies but to hate critics. I read interviews where filmatists dismiss the role of critics. They’re people who grew up obsessed with movies, but not enough to, like, read words and shit about them. You’d think they’d want to devour other people’s interpretations of movies and find out about movies they never heard of or revisit old favorites from different angles. But nope. They hate critics.

I thought about all that stuff when I came across this logo:

paulinekael (read the rest of this shit…)

Oscars 2013

Sunday, February 24th, 2013

tn_oscarclintOn this, the 10th 20th anniversary of the correct movie winning best picture, we celebrate by having that smarmy millionaire dick from the Comedy Central Roasts and the Fox cartoons sing fake-edgy show tunes and make Hitler jokes, but hopefully it’ll still be fun. I’m kinda bummed that ARGO seems to be headed for best picture, but way worse movies have won before. I’ll be rooting for LINCOLN as the one that has a chance to win (ZERO DARK THIRTY is too misunderstood and DJANGO UNCHAINED is too awesome). Remember, if LINCOLN or DJANGO does not win it proves that Hollywood is pro-slavery.

I’ll be rooting for Honest Abe, who I think is a shoo-in, but I can be bad as these things. I’ll be rooting for Catwoman, even though I got a thing for Li’l Mystique and she might take it. I’d like PARANORMAN to pull off an upset, but I doubt it, so I’ll take WRECK-IT RALPH.

I’ll be kinda mad if LINCOLN doesn’t get best adapted, for many reasons, some mentioned in the link below. I’ll be rooting for ZERO DARK THIRTY in original, but would also be thrilled if Tarantino or Anderson somehow got it. And if they cut to Bruce in the audience.

I definitely want Kathryn Bigelow for director. Oh wait. Okay, Spielberg.

I do not recommend drinking games but if you do them I suggest drinking for McFarlane making a Hitler reference, for cutting to Chris Tucker after another black person speaks on stage, for jokes about ZERO DARK THIRTY and torture, and references to the N-word being used alot in DJANGO UNCHAINED. Or Jamie Foxx’s balls being shown.

Anyway everybody have fun and please share your thoughts below. This is recommended for participants only and not “I don’t watch the Oscars because such-and-such” sticks-in-the-mud.

UPDATE: How I did on my predictions (SPOILER: poorly)

Over on this Fanhattan thing me and some other writers wrote about who we thought would win in some of the categories and why. I would’ve changed some of my predictions if I’d written them more recently, but wouldn’t have done that much better (except I would’ve caught up with everybody and called ARGO for best picture. Back then it seemed like a ridiculous notion to me).

Here are the posts and whether I was right or not.

Best Actor/Actress

Actor: Right. Actress: Wrong.

Best Supporting Actor/Actress

Supporting Actor: Wrong. Did not see that coming at all. Supporting Actress: Right.

Best screenplay

Original: Wrong. Total surprise. Adapted: Wrong. Total outrage.

Best director

Totally wrong.

I can’t seem to find the posts for best animated feature or best picture, but I believe I called WRECK-IT RALPH and LINCOLN.

Total: 2 out of 9. Sorry America.


Let’s talk about UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONING video releases

Thursday, February 7th, 2013

tn_USDoRRemember when we saw those early reviews saying that UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONING was confusing and made no sense? Most of us thought they were wrong about the movie, but it turns out they accurately predicted the video release. The obvious straightforward thing to do would be to release the original uncut version of the movie and a 3D blu-ray for those who are equipped. But I guess in tribute to the movie’s unorthodox approach they decided to go with a release that’s more… elliptical.

DAY OF RECKONING received an NC-17 rating and had to be trimmed. The uncut version played at festivals, but those of us who saw it on-demand saw a version with some of the violence trimmed to get an R-rating. This cut version is now the only one available on disc in Region 1/A. If you want the uncut version here I’ve been told it’s available as a digital download.
(read the rest of this shit…)

My most anticipated non-Mad Max movie right now

Tuesday, February 5th, 2013

Warning: this full length trailer for FURIOUS 6 (as I’m still hoping they’ll abbreviate it) is one of those trailers that seems to tell you the whole plot and show about 10 or more huge money shots. But I couldn’t resist watching it. A couple times. It looks amazing.

I knew Gina was gonna get to fight Letty.

Oscar shit here

Thursday, January 10th, 2013

This is a pre-emptive post to make sure the ZERO DARK THIRTY comments don’t turn into Oscar nomination talk. Let’s do that shit here.

I for one am outraged that UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONING didn’t get anything. (unless it did?)

more to come…

Kill You Last #1

Thursday, January 3rd, 2013

tn_killyoulastI was proud to do another piece for the Village Voice this week, but that’s not the only place I’m in print. I also got interviewed for a new zine called Kill You Last, which is all about action movies. Check out the logo there. Can anyone tell me where the ‘YOU’ comes from? I know the other two.

I never got interviewed by a zine before – also, I didn’t know that people still made them – but this guy Wil explained to me what he wanted to do and I knew it was up my alley. He writes passionately about action movie topics such as going to the EXPENDABLES 2 premiere, mediocre Bruce Willis movies, ’80s VHS covers, some asshole that wrote a book about Seagal, etc. I haven’t read the whole thing yet, and I strongly disagree with his take on HAYWIRE, but I like what he’s doing. The best topic in there is an interview with somebody who’s working on a documentary called CHUCK NORRIS VS. COMMUNISM about an underground network that smuggled bootlegs of American action movies into communist Romania.

Here’s where to get KILL YOU LAST

my new Village Voice piece on Tarantino

Thursday, January 3rd, 2013

tn_reservoirdogsHey friends, somehow I have another piece in the ol’ Village Voice. This one is about Quentin Tarantino and why I hate when people say that his movies are just rip offs of other movies. I want to sincerely thank C.J. Holden for setting me off on a rant about that topic in a comment thread a while back, some of which was adapted into this more concise and polished version.

Let me know what you think.

Happy 2013

Monday, December 31st, 2012

I always want a picture of Bruce Lee or somebody at a New Year’s party but I can’t usually find a good one. So instead here’s a beautiful rendition of Auld Lang Syne by one of the local Seattle musicians. Happy New Year everybody and let’s do less bad things and more good things in this one.

Vern’s Top 10 Christmas Crime Movies on Fanhattan

Thursday, December 20th, 2012

As I mentioned a month or two ago, frequent commenter Franchise Fred Topel hooked me up to write some posts for this thing called Fanhattan. It’s… something to do with streaming movies, but their blog/interface/thing has lots of movie news and features and stuff. And their official editorial policy is against “snark,” so I like that.

Today I have a piece introducing people to my beloved subgenre of Christmas crime. Also I contributed one to their worst holiday movies of all time, but it’s a movie I really enjoy. I just can’t claim it’s not terrible. You’ll see.

Check it out, and maybe if you’re so inclined write some comments with your own Christmas crime recommendations or whatever. It would make me look good.

2012 Village Voice Film Poll

Thursday, December 20th, 2012

This year, for the first (and last?) time ever, I was invited to take part in the 2012 Village Voice Film Poll, a survey of 85 critics about the best movies and performances and shit of the year. Hopefully I did not bring too much shame or dishonor upon the institution. My lowbrow tastes did not seem to affect the final tally too much, but it is funny to see that me and one other critic caused John Hyams to be tied with Ang Lee, Bela Tarr & Agnes Hranitzky, Jafar Panahi, Richard Linklater, Steven Spielberg and Ben Affleck for 6th place in the Best Director category.

I struggled with alot of my answers, especially in the actress categories, since I clearly haven’t seen enough movies with good roles for women. I mean, I love Rachel Weisz, but you guys know which movie called DEEP BLUE SEA I’ve seen, and I’m pretty sure she wasn’t in it. I’m kind of embarrassed of some of those votes. I feel pretty good about honoring Jessica Biel for THE TALL MAN, though, and definitely Salma Hayek for SAVAGES. I’m not taking that one back. One category where I thought I would agree with the consensus was Daniel Day Lewis for best actor (he played Lincoln), but he ended up #3. #1 went to Joaquin (Popeye), who was my second place vote. (read the rest of this shit…)