Archive for the ‘Blog Post (short for weblog)’ Category

a couple reviews of Seagalogy Updated & Expanded Edition

Thursday, April 12th, 2012

tn_seagalpaintedThere have been a couple reviews of the new edition, so I thought I’d link to them. I have read that internet social media, for promotion, etc.

Crave Online compared my completist approach of analyzing Seagal movies to the way scholars study Shakespeare. Therefore, OUT FOR JUSTICE = King Lear, I believe. But what if I were to tell you that Steven Seagal never starred in a single movie? (ANONYMOUS 2: STEVEN SEAGAL IS ALSO ANONYMOUS coming soon.) I also like this review because it’s the only one that says the later DTV chapters are more interesting than the ones on the better known movies.

(read the rest of this shit…)

After Dark Action announces theatrical date for DRAGON EYES and 4 others

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012

tn_elgringoAFTER DARK ACTION (that new low budget action company I wrote about here) put up their websight today and announced their schedule. In the tradition of the same company’s AFTER DARK HORROR-FEST they’re gonna be unleashing 5 new action movies in select theaters and on video-on-demand on May 11th. So far Seattle is not on the list of cities, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Not literally, that would be stupid.

All five of the movies sound like something I would watch, some more than others. Among their casts are two of our favorite ’80s/’90s action icons, 2 of our favorites from the 2000s, one star of a STEP UP sequel, my favorite Justified villain, and Christian Slater. (read the rest of this shit…)

Seagalogy: Updated and Expanded Edition

Tuesday, March 27th, 2012

tn_truejusticeWell, now that The Hungry Games is over and forgotten, it’s time for a new publishing sensation to shatter all records, reinvigorate film schools, liter-ate the illiterate, turn your book club into a full-blown book organization, etc. Ladies and gentlemen, I (Vern) give you SEAGALOGY: UPDATED AND EXPANDED EDITION. This is the same groundbreaking work of film criticism that changed your life before except now it’s thicker and more physically threatening because it has 11 (eleven) new god damn chapters added to it, bringing it up to date on all the Seagalogical works since the original publication in 2008. (read the rest of this shit…)

Anybody else watching The Walking Dead?

Tuesday, March 20th, 2012
"You know, sometimes I wonder... who are the *real* walking dead. Is it them? Or is it in fact-- hey, is that Sophia? No, that's a tree. What was I talking about? I don't know. I lost my train of thought. Oh well."

Sometimes I think about it, and I wonder... who *are* the walking dead, anyway? Is it them? Are *they* the walking dead? Or could it be that in fact, the walking dead are-- Wait, is that Sophia over there?

I guess about 9 million people watched the second season finale of The Walking Dead, so I was thinking maybe one or two of you saw it. And then I saw some of you talking about the show in the comments, so that supports the theory.

For those of you who are watching and all caught up to the end of the second season I need to ask you guys about the last couple episodes, get a couple things off my chest. So this will involve the ol’ spoilers, including deaths of characters, if you care.

* * *

It’s safe to say NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD is one of the most famous movies ever, right? It’s been remade and badly remade in 3D and colorized and sequelized and homaged and recut and it’s in the public domain and pretty much everybody’s seen it and even if they haven’t they probly have some kind of familiarity with the guy saying “They’re coming to get you, Barbara” in the cemetery as a zombie stumbles toward them.

(read the rest of this shit…)

DRAGON EYES, motherfucker

Friday, March 16th, 2012

My comments after the click here thing (read the rest of this shit…)

Hey everybody: explain to me what I’m missing about KILL LIST

Wednesday, February 15th, 2012

tn_killlistI’ve been hearing about this genre-smooshing British crime thriller for a while now. Mostly from Paul, but it’s gotten great reviews all over the place. I did the right thing and didn’t read anything about it or watch a trailer or even know what the other movie by the same director is about. I just waited until I could rent an import DVD of it and check it out. (read the rest of this shit…)

Vern’s Valentine’s Day Special. One night only.

Monday, February 13th, 2012

tn_bridgesofI have already officially over-celebrated this holiday that I don’t even believe in, but I have this CLINT EASTWOOD: 35 FILMS DVD box set and it happens to have the movie THE BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY in it and I can think of nothing better to do tomorrow night than eat a sandwich and watch it for the first time with my friends, The Internet.

So tomorrow night, Tuesday February 14th, at approximately 8 pm West Coast time (depending on how fast I get home from work) I will be watching the movie and “live tweeting” it using the “Twitter” websight. I have set up a new account called @OutlawVernLive so don’t worry, I won’t be flooding your screen with my comments unless you “follow” that specific “twitter” using your computer machine. Also I cannot guarantee I will have anything worthwhile to say, or that I will not just be sobbing the whole time.

Sorry for the short notice, but if you also have this box set I trust your loved one will understand that you are cancelling the reservations and the 2-3 of you will be having the most romantic evening of all time with Clint, Meryl, one or more bridges, The Internet, and yours truly. (in a non-sexual way)


Nerd Shit Special Edition: Phantom Menace 3D

Saturday, February 11th, 2012

tn_pm3dI went and saw a revival movie at the local cinema, it’s called STAR WARS EPISODE I: DARTH MAUL (formerly The Phantom Menace) 3D. I’m not sure if you guys are familar with that movie from the dvd and blu-ray, but check it out, you’d probly like it. Anyway they have it re-released in theaters in 3D.

The reason I bring it up is because I think this is more proof of the wrong-headedness of modern 3D. Not because it’s 3D, as is the conventional wisdom, but because it’s not 3D enough. This is a special case because obviously it’s not a movie shot in 3D, it’s one of these postconversions that I decided to stop seeing, but (like TITANIC) it’s one that they spent more time and money on and it was done by technicians who seem to give a shit, so I was hoping it would be done well. (read the rest of this shit…)

99 Problems but the Super Bowl ad for GI JOE RETALIATION ain’t one

Thursday, February 2nd, 2012

tn_gijoe2BruceOkay, I apologize for posting about a TV commercial for a sequel to a(n enjoyably) shitty movie based on a toy. But I saw this new commercial for GI JOE: RETALIATION and I had to watch it a bunch of times in a row. I really think STEP UP 2-3’s Jon M. Chu is gonna pan out as a director of silly action movies, and that gives me some hope for the future of action filmatism. (read the rest of this shit…)

Potpourri’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

Sunday, January 29th, 2012

tn_freddysdeadDon’t worry everybody, the Spielberg series is gonna finish, I’m just taking the time to get the reviews right before I post them. I also got some other reviews of recent home video releases in the works including one of the most interesting horror movies I’ve seen in a while. So stay tuned to this websight, or better yet keep reloading it from different computers to raise my unique hits count.

Back to you, Paula.