Archive for the ‘Blog Post (short for weblog)’ Category

Note to Los Angeles area readers

Sunday, April 20th, 2014

tn_seagalpaintedI wanted to point out this calendar item at your local Cinefamily theater in case anybody needs to get tickets and get the day (Saturday, June 14th) off. Must be open to viewing four of Steven Seagal’s greatest movies on 35 mm while being disappointed by the demystification of a previously enigmatic writer and Seagal expert.

More details/explanations later this week.

Niketown: a novel (that I wrote)

Monday, March 24th, 2014

tn_niketownI wanted to let you guys know I wrote a new book and I’m back in the lone wolf publishing game. It’s called Niketown: a novel. The “a novel” part is to make sure you know it’s a fictional novel, not a collection of reviews of different Nike stores or something. You can get the actual book version HERE for about thirteen bucks, or many electronical type versions HERE for about five bucks. It should be in the Kindle store soon, I’m waiting for it to process. But I believe you can also get a Kindle format from the Smashwords sight for now.

You can read a big sample chunk of it on there too if you’re concerned it’s gonna suck. Hopefully you’ll decide it doesn’t, but it’s a free country.

(read the rest of this shit…)

This year’s pre-Oscar post

Sunday, March 2nd, 2014

tn_oscarclintI saw all the best picture nominees this year, an old family tradition. I actually completed the check list a while back. It was easier than usual because I only had two I hadn’t seen at the time of the nominations, and only one of those I hadn’t been planning to see already. There was also one nominee I watched a long time ago but didn’t review. So for the sake of completism I’ll write a few words about those last three before tomorrow/tonight’s Oscar rituals are performed. (read the rest of this shit…)

RoboCop History Week: RoboWrapUp

Friday, February 14th, 2014

robocophistoryweek

So which one does RoboCop smell like? Strawberry? All of them? It's unclear.

If RoboCop was so pure and sacred before a remake then why do we know which fruits he smells like?

Thank you for joining me this week in discussing the RoboCop cartoon and the RoboCop TV series and the other RoboCop cartoon and the RoboCop mini-series that happened after the first and second RoboCop sequels.

I have to admit that I had an agenda or two in writing about these crappy shows. I know alot of people are very protective of Paul Verhoeven’s ROBOCOP and were/are righteously offended about the very idea of remaking it. Which makes sense, ’cause it’s a classic.

But I thought it would be helpful for all our mental and emotional health to remember that it’s not exactly an untouched story suddenly being violently plucked from a pure white cloud and soiled by unexpected commercialism. We’ve never lived in a world where ROBOCOP was safeguarded from exploitation like a J.D. Salinger book or Calvin and Hobbes. No, as soon as the damn thing was out of the gate it was cross-marketed like an Omni Consumer Product. It was merchandised, sequelized, video gamed, cartooned and teeveed. Of course I’m not saying “it’s already been ruined, so let’s keep ruining it.” I just mean that since they’ve already treated it like a trademark, brand, franchise and property even before everybody was brainwashed into using those OCP type terms non-ironically, I’m open to the idea of somebody coming along and doing a better job of it. (read the rest of this shit…)

Nerd News: Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor

Saturday, February 1st, 2014

tn_luthorThis morning I was surprised to read on The ol’ Ain’t It Cool News that Lex Luthor and Alfred had been officially cast for SUPERMAN V. BATMAN. When I opened the story I glanced the name Jeremy Irons and assumed he was playing Luthor. It seemed like an okay but boring choice. It’s hard to imagine him caring about playing another fucking bad guy. When I realized that he was playing Alfred and Jesse Eisenberg was Luthor I coulda done a spit take.

And my instinct was sympathy for the vocal hateful nerd community of the internet. Like “Maybe you guys were right.” As you know, the default internet stance on everything is negative. The nerd community in particular tend to be against most things that exist other than the TV shows Community and Sherlock, most of the Marvel movies (for now, but there will be a vicious backlash in a few years guaranteed) and… bacon I guess. According to the products on the websights, bacon is one of the main things they respect. I’m old fashioned, I don’t think of bacon as something a man puts on his shirt, so alot of times I feel like I’m on the other side from these guys. But for a second when I read this I thought “shit, I know how they feel.” (read the rest of this shit…)

Oscar nominations

Thursday, January 16th, 2014

fyc-manoftaichi

The Oscar nominations are announced Thursday morning at ridiculously early o’clock a.m. This will be a good place to discuss nominations, snubs, how much you don’t care about the Oscars, etc.

Most of the contenders are obvious, but I really don’t have a feel for what’s gonna end up winning. AMERICAN HUSTLE seems like a possibility for best picture but a poor choice. 12 YEARS A SLAVE might get it but I still have a hard time imagining a majority of the old white voters being okay with such a non-uplifting look at slavery. WOLF OF WALL STREET would be deserving but seems to have upset and confused alot of normal people. Interest in GRAVITY feels like it’s peaked. But then again I saw ARGO on opening day thinking it was the one to beat for the Oscars and then when it was over thought well, obviously that’s not gonna happen. So I’m not good at this.

Anyway, there are two long shots that would make me very happy if they happen tomorrow morning: 1) James Franco, supporting actor for SPRING BREAKERS, 2) THE GRANDMASTER, best foreign language. (It is Hong Kong’s official entry, and since it’s released by the Weinstein Company it is possible.)

The Raid 2: Berendal Indonesian trailer

Saturday, January 4th, 2014

I didn’t post this right away because I didn’t want to watch it. I don’t need so much as a description of a still photo to sell me on a sequel to THE RAID, I’m fuckin there. So I thought maybe I shouldn’t risk giving anything away.

But who was a I fooling? I watched it and then I immediately watched it a couple more times. And later I watched it again. It implies a totally different movie, way bigger in scope, locations and variety of action, and hugely operatic. It looks like Tony Jaa meets John Woo meets Stanley Kubrick. Holy shit you guys. This seems unfair. I don’t know how a movie could live up to this.

Well, you gotta post an EXPENDABLES teaser I guess

Thursday, December 19th, 2013

I guess I got a little Charlie Brown in me. I’m gonna keep trying to kick that football. I mean, I do have fun with these movies, I just want one some day that meets or exceeds my hopes for it.

Either way this is a pretty good teaser. A nice return to the abstract, non-movie-footage type of early trailer, and I like the increasingly ludicrous skull logos for these movies.

I can’t really make out everybody in the picture. Is Kelsey Grammer really in there somewhere? That still makes me laugh that he’s playing a badass mercenary. But maybe he’ll pull it off. And I’m pretty sure Gibson will be an excellent villain. The description under the trailer on Youtube reveals that they’re crediting it as “with GIBSON with FORD and SCHWARZENEGGER.” So the “also” credit was a Van Damme exclusive. Good job Van Damme.

R.I.P. Tom Laughlin

Monday, December 16th, 2013

tn_tomlaughlinWell, we lost some cinema icons today. Peter O’Toole of course. I’m not the guy to write the definitive tribute for him, but here’s a piece I wrote when I saw LAWRENCE OF ARABIA in 70mm a couple years ago. And one on THE STUNT MAN. And, uh, SUPERGIRL.

Also Joan Fontaine from REBECCA and SUSPICION died, so there will be some good tributes to her. She was 96.

But me being who I am I want to write a few words about Tom Laughlin, whose family announced today that he died on Thursday. He was 82, a year older than O’Toole! I was surprised to read that. Laughlin was an actor, writer and director who occupied a unique corner in the history of Badass Cinema and independent film and I don’t think alot of the young people know about him. So put your learning pants on.

“Put your learning pants on” and related phrases and merchandising are © 2013 by Vern

(read the rest of this shit…)

Mandela

Friday, December 6th, 2013

tn_mandelaWell, I didn’t want to trivialize the passing of Nelson Mandela by having my dumbass post about it on my websight where I write about Van Damme movies and shit. And right in the middle of a GREEN STREET HOOLIGANS DTV sequel series. Doesn’t seem respectful. But then I started to feel like kind of an asshole for not acknowledging it at all. As much as we all liked Paul Walker, in my opinion Mandela is a more important historical figure. Not to be controversial.

I’m no expert on the topic, I’m sure I know more about the legend of Mandela than the specific historical facts. But living in the world at the same time as him was inspiring and amazing. Going through life for so many years taking for granted the story of the revolutionary jailed for opposing an unjust regime, just knowing him as a cause more than a person, then seeing him not only freed, and the wicked system he fought against ended, but seeing him become their democratically elected leader? Incredible. And then he lived to 95 and died naturally. Not bad. (read the rest of this shit…)