Archive for the ‘Seagal’ Category

A Good Man

Monday, September 15th, 2014

tn_agoodmanex3-seagal“The rate this is going we’re going to run out of Russians soon.”

A GOOD MAN – not to be confused with A DANGEROUS MAN, A SERIOUS MAN, A SINGLE MAN, A SOLITARY MAN, HE WAS A QUIET MAN, etc. – is the latest Steven Seagal picture, continuing what at first glance looks like Seagal’s Goatee Period (SGP). The new facial hair seems to represent the evil Seagal from another dimension, or at least a slightly darker Seagal. In the opening narration he explains that he has both light and darkness in him. Later he calls himself “a regular man who does bad things to bad people.”

He doesn’t seem like as much of an anti-hero as the Russian gangster he played in his last movie, FORCE OF EXECUTION, but he is a guy who goes around literally chopping up gangsters and leaving them strewn across alleys. Technically that’s not that different from what he does in other movies, but it’s presented differently. The first pile we don’t see as an action scene, we see it as a crime scene investigated by detectives. And he leaves a calling card – incense in their hands, the Chinese characters for “Gwai-Lo” – like a serial killer.

But on closer examination, this gangster-slayer actually is an alternate reality version of the guy from the last movie. On a behind the scenes featurette writer/director Keoni Waxman says they originally started writing it as a sequel to “our last movie,” which would explain the returning beard and that both characters are named Alexander. (read the rest of this shit…)

Seagal related song of the week

Friday, September 5th, 2014

Yes, it’s true, there has been a new Steven Seagal film out for 2 weeks and I haven’t seen it yet. I hope to view and write about A GOOD MAN (and also Michael Jai White’s FALCON RISING) soon, thanks for asking about it. To hold you over, I want to share this song that a rapper named Gutta sent to me.

Seagal has been referenced in many rap lyrics, most notably when Inspectah Deck says “Bust this, I’m kickin’ like Seagal, Out For Justice” on Wu-Tang Clan’s “Bring Da Ruckus.” Here Gutta, who told me he read Seagalogy in the middle of working on this, blows away whatever was the previous record for most Seagal movies mentioned in one song. He goes deep. He mentions CLEMENTINE, for crying out loud (the Korean tearjerker where at the end the hero has to fight Seagal in a competition).

Enjoy, and have a good weekend.

 

Vern’s Cinefamily Journal

Friday, June 20th, 2014

tn_cinefamilyWell, it happened. Last Saturday, after 15 years of admittedly weird dedication to anonymity, I went and stood unmasked in front of the Cinefamily theater to publicly share my love of the action films of S. Seagal. A couple of you who were there kindly told me not to worry, that I looked exactly like Lee Marvin, but on the internet I saw my looks compared to two different comedians. I won’t say which ones, so go ahead and assume Roddy Piper and Chopper Read. But now there are a couple blurry Loch Ness Monster type photos of me out there, and Griff says I am not buff and I look like his dad. Giving my reputation a hit like that was not what I had planned for my summer vacation.

But I got no regrets and the reason why can be summed up with one frame of film:

(read the rest of this shit…)

Maximum Conviction

Monday, December 17th, 2012

MAXIMUM CONVICTION is one of these powerful action team ups we get now in a post-EXPENDABLES world. Second-billed Steve Austin is probly the most reliable DTV guy after Scott Adkins, with a bunch of pretty good ones under his belt (DAMAGE, RECOIL, HUNT TO KILL) and a durable persona as seen-it-all-skullcrusher-with-an-inherent-sense-of-decency. Headliner Steven Seagal is… a guy I wrote a book about.

To tell you the truth I didn’t have alot of faith in him for this one. He seems to have grown comfortable as boss man on his ensemble TV show and lost the DTV eye of the tiger he had a few years ago when he did the historic URBAN JUSTICE/PISTOL WHIPPED one-two punch. His recent efforts (although some might not call them efforts) have been worthwhile for my deep Seagalogical analysis, but not too inspiring as works of entertainment. And the trailer for this looked pretty crappy, I thought.

(read the rest of this shit…)

Seagal + Stone Cold Steve Austin = MAXIMUM CONVICTION

Saturday, December 17th, 2011

tn_keeperJust when I was thinking Seagal didn’t have any movies in the can this article on Heat Vision informs us that Anchor Bay has purchased the rights to MAXIMUM CONVICTION, a movie where Seagal is one of two security contractors hired to decommission an old prison that comes under attack by mercenaries. So, HALF PAST DEAD in an empty prison? The good news is that for the first time this will team Seagal with WWE Superstar™ Stone Cold Steve Austin. Which is a huge upgrade from Ja Rule. (read the rest of this shit…)

AGAINST THE DARK taking over the world

Friday, February 25th, 2011

tn_atdghanaIt has been brought to my attention that a hand-painted AGAINST THE DARK poster from Ghana is for sale on the ebay for $250.75. That may seem like alot, but please keep in mind that it’s 15% off of the regular price. And it’s not like it’s $251. It’s a quarter cheaper than that. Not bad.

Nah, I’m just fuckin with you, actually it is a reasonable price for an artifact like this. If you’re not familiar with the Ghana approach to movie posters, they are literally one-of-a-kind original paintings, usually done on cut open flour sacks, that hang outside of the little shacks where the movies (I believe on DVD now) are shown on a TV screen. I have a really good book about it called Extreme Canvas: Movie Poster Paintings from Ghana, but I think that one’s hard to find now. There’s another one that’s supposed to be good called Ghanavision. I enjoy these posters because of their crude look and occasional extreme disregard for movie accuracy. Also I like when they obviously didn’t have much reference material, so they’ll put Arnold Schwarzenegger in his RAW DEAL undershirt for T2 or something. (read the rest of this shit…)

Lawman: Port of Call Phoenix

Monday, February 21st, 2011

tn_seagalpaintedI don’t know how I missed this one, because it’s a good one. Entertainments Weekly reported several days ago that A&E has unexpectedly picked up STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN for season 3… but it’s a total reboot. After being chased out of Jefferson Parish by false allegations Chief Seagal has been transferred to Phoenix, Arizona. This is not so much a Seagal type plot but it’s a common cop movie trope, the fish-out-of-water like NYPD’s John McClane or Detroit’s Axel Foley navigating the douchey Californian terrain. (read the rest of this shit…)

Born To Raise Hell

Monday, January 10th, 2011

tn_borntoraisehellIn BORN TO RAISE HELL Steven Seagal plays a commanding officer in the International Drug Task Force, a cooperative agency set up after 9-11 because like those ads say the drugs fund the terrorists. This is also a handy way for Seagal to use what he’s been learning as a deputy sheriff in New Orleans in a movie but then film it in Eastern Europe. His character’s partner was killed six months ago (no need for a flashback, they just tell us this) so I guess he’s out for justice or something. It’s not real clear.

While BORN TO RAISE HELL lacks the toughness and entertainment value of URBAN JUSTICE and PISTOL WHIPPED, it’s a little more memorable than most of the recent Seagal pictures, because he seems to care a little more. Admittedly there are some awkward voiceovers (I’m torn on whether it’s dubbed by a double or if it’s his own voice sped up to sound ridiculous), some of the dreaded avid farts and a scene where they use 6 cuts just showing a dude walking 10 feet from his car to talk to a guy. On the other hand Seagal is the sole credited writer and the movie definitely incorporates his recent hobby of taking part in drug raids and some of his beloved themes of brotherhood and redemption and what not.
(read the rest of this shit…)

Steven Seagal: Lawman Season 2 Episodes 5-6

Saturday, December 11th, 2010

seagalogicalcatchup2Next week, if all goes as planned, I will be doing an in-depth analytical study that will completely reinvent film criticism forever as well as change the definition of what it means to be an American, a human, or a spiritual being. In my opinion. Obviously I’m toning that down a little so that your expectations are not too high, but it should be pretty good.

In the near future I also hope to review BORN TO RAISE HELL, the new Seagal movie that’s available in Region 2. But before I do either of those things I think it’s important to fulfill previous obligations, so I will be reviewing the last four episodes of season 2 (and the series?) of STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN. At the end of those I will introduce a new still-evolving theory about the current state of Seagalogy. (read the rest of this shit…)

Seagal in Australian beer commercial/contest

Friday, November 26th, 2010

This is probly the funniest commercial Seagal has done (beating out the Orange telephone thing with the golf cart chase and the Mountain Dew one where he accidentally beats up a convenience store robber Mr. Magoo style). It fits into a modern commercial cliche of the Exaggeratedly Awesome Guy Who Likes This Product (other examples: Bruce Campbell for Old Spice, the more recent Michael Jai White-ish Old Spice uberman, the rich Russian guy with the baby giraffe who drinks some product or other, the “most interesting man in the world” who says “I don’t normally drink beer, but when I do I drink” whatever it is). But it also has a little Seagalogy in there because of his reputation for having an entourage of hot women and his love of Asian things (the bridge in the background, the dress on the girl to the left tending his zen garden). I actually wouldn’t be surprised if that was filmed in his actual backyard.

thanks to Chris A., Geoff C. and Mitchell H. for sending this, and stay tuned for upcoming overdue Seagalogical reports involving the last four episodes of LAWMAN and his new one BORN TO RAISE HELL (out in the U.K. but not U.S.).