Let me tell you this column is hard for me to Write because I have tried hard since my emancipation from the confinement of prison to be Positive, to live a clean life and to avoid conflict as well as negativity, crime and armed robbery, etc. There have been exceptions such as the incident on Halloween in which I broke the little prick’s ribs for smashing MY jackolanterns on MY property, but I’m not going to talk about that due to a pending lawsuit as far as I’m concerned. (By the way, allegedly broke the little prick’s ribs.)

However there are some things that happen in a man’s life where he really has no choice but to get REAL fucking angry and in these times it is only right for a motherfucker in this situation to express himself.

The motherfucker causing this particular situation is a pantywaist janey by the name of Jailhouse Jim, who has a web site called Jailhouse Jim’s Convict Flicks. This dude is claiming to be an ex-con like myself and, like myself, claims to “tell it like it is” when he is, like myself, discussing the films of Cinema. He has even gone so far as to call himself “the original ex-con movie critic” although nobody has ever heard of this motherfucker before so he obviously came after yours truly.

Now what upsets me about this dude is not that he has no ideas of his own and sucks out the very heart of what I have worked so hard to accomplish and claims it as his own while giving no credit to the true creator. What upsets me is THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A SLICK HOLLYWOOD BASTARD WHO IS MORE INTERESTED IN THE MONEY THAN IN THE ART OF THE CINEMA. He uses words like “boffo box office” and “box office dud” and “sizzles” and “cutie patootie” and as you can imagine I am going to cut this motherfucker’s balls off when I find out who he is. (read the rest of this shit…)

Okay now look guys. I missed my Monday deadline but there is a legitimate excuse. I spent Sunday night in jail after cracking the ribs of the little prick who smashed my jackolanterns. Now i don’t know how much you guys are into halloween but i think you would agree don’t fuck with a man’s jackolanterns.

I hope nobody was disapointed by my lateness since i did an extra halloween column. So lets face it you motherfuckers can’t complain.
On the other hand you can complain about this week’s column now that its arrived, because i’m going to tell you straight off, this one is going to be shit. I don’t have a movie to Write about so I’m just basically gonna be shooting the shit. And i have a sort of block that prevents me from having something good to Write about. Sorry.

I want to say thanks bud to my fans, i think there are at least ten of them at this point. I have gotten some nice e-mails and my guestbook thing has been signed by some real cool motherfuckers. i even got it signed by the dude who created the comic book that the tv show “harsh realm” is based on. sorry about the show man, i hope reading my sight didn’t jinx you.

At the same time i want to give a big fucking fuck you to the stupid motherfuckers who criticize me in the guestbook. Jesus fucking christ man do you know any manners. this sight is not about relgion so why the fuck you have to blaspheme against my fucking tenets in a man’s own guestbook. I’m not here to talk about religion i am here to talk about the art of Writing and cinema. if you want to pick on people for their religion go to an airport motherfucker. And anyway you should read Vern Tell’s It Like It Is #3 Mambo Socks below if you want to find out what a fucking prick you are for judging a dude without knowing about his life and journey. (read the rest of this shit…)

First of all guys I gotta say, I don’t know WHO that motherfucker on the logo is it does NOT look like me. For one thing I got GRAY hair, not green.

I don’t know about this Walter leno dude doing my designs but what the fuck man i gotta keep up with the times and this dude tells me he is pretty fucking cutting edge in his opinion.

Now, today i will tell a story about a prison riot to answer a complaint from a gal from the guestbook page of my sight.

Dear Sir, As a fine Christian woman of strong moral values, I must in good conscience inform you that your site is a disgusting, shameless mockery of my religion. You, sir, may call yourself a Christian, but you are no Christian I’ve ever known. Your constant use o unnecessary expletitives, your homosexual tendencies, and your constant threats of violence have no place in the Christian church and/or community. And no, you cannot have my e-mail address; I have children who use this computer, and who knows what kind f depravity you’d get them into. I’ve seen “South Park”, I know what’s out there.

–Name withheld
Vern’s guestbook

Believe it or not, i actually get this alot. “Hey vern how your such a christian your always raping guys in the ass.” Well first of all, i am NOT raping anyone, that was my past (in prison only) and as a christian no, i am not proud of it if that’s what your asking. (read the rest of this shit…)

In this new column what it is is I answer your questions and tell you my opinion on various shit.That’s why it’s called “VERN TELL’S IT LIKE IT IS” because frankly that is EXACTLY what I will be doing. And if you don’t like it than fuck you jack.

For my first column, October 11 1999 I will be answering a question which was asked to me by my bud musemalade from rec.arts.movies.current-films. this is a dude who knows a lot of shit about movies and i find a guy like me humble and learning from this man just about every fucking day. so do NOT be disrespecting this guy in front of me in my opinion it would NOT be a picnic.

Hey guy there’s one question I’m curious about and you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to, since I know you’re trying to practice your writing and become better and all. I have to ask anyway: why are you calling yourself an “outlaw” if you’re trying to sober up and go clean? I think it’s a bit of a contradiction myself, but don’t take offense since I mean no offense by it. I’m just trying to help.

–Musemalade, rec.arts.movies.current-films

Well bud that’s a very good question to be frankly honest and i’m going to answer it in today’s column. i can understand why you might consider it a contradiction or whatever but i do NOT agree in my opinion and this is why.

as an armed robber and criminal i was an “outlaw” in the classic sense of the old west, motherfuckers like billy the kid, bonnie and clyde, eddie the splayer, etc. That is NOT what i am about anymore although i do like a good cowboy movie now and then. (read the rest of this shit…)