SUITABLE FLESH is the latest from Joe Lynch, a director who has a certain credibility in my book because his debut was a DTV sequel. I was mixed-positive on WRONG TURN 2: DEAD END (2007) and wrote some things in the review that I now consider out of line, but I definitely respect its joyful spirit toward sequelizing and in many ways outdoing a studio movie I really wasn’t that into. Since then Lynch has directed a comedy that got taken away from him, the Salma Hayek action vehicle EVERLY, the gory outbreak-in-an-office-building movie MAYHEM (which I liked but apparently didn’t review) and the Frank Grillo/Anthony Mackie car chase buddy movie POINT BLANK. But now he’s returned to horror with a sacred task: to manifest an unfinished project of the late great Stuart Gordon.
I didn’t realize it from the name, but it’s one of those unfulfilled ambitions we read about for years – here’s an example of Gordon talking it up while promoting STUCK in 2008, but using the title of the H.P. Lovecraft story it’s based on, “The Thing on the Doorstep.” The script is by Gordon’s regular collaborator Dennis Paoli (RE-ANIMATOR, FROM BEYOND, THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM, CASTLE FREAK, DAGON) and it’s produced by RE-ANIMATOR/FROM BEYOND/CASTLE FREAK star Barbara Crampton. (read the rest of this shit…)
This year I celebrated Halloween by taking the day off of work and watching a witch-themed triple feature. This is not something I ever thought I’d do, because I’ve always had that issue with historical witch movies where it kinda bothers me to pretend there’s a such thing as witches, since that’s the superstitious bullshit that real life tyrants used as an excuse to torture and murder many innocent people in this country and elsewhere. But there were a couple witch-related movies I’d been thinking I’d like to rewatch, and at the same time I’d been thinking about my late mother, who loved to dress as a witch every Halloween. She painted her face green and glued on a warty latex nose with spirit gum. Some of the younger kids in the neighborhood were terrified of her, but she got a kick out of it. So I dedicate this witch-a-thon to her.
I chose to view them in order of when they take place: first Rob Eggers’ THE WITCH (1630s), then George A. Romero’s SEASON OF THE WITCH (1970s), and finally Robert Zombie’s THE LORDS OF SALEM (twenty-teens). (read the rest of this shit…)
I didn’t even realize THE LORDS OF SALEM was coming out this week until somebody told me. I never saw an ad or saw the trailer play before another movie. When I saw the Anchor Bay logo at the beginning I thought, “That’s weird, why is the new Rob Zombie movie being distributed by the company that only does barely-released-or-advertised horror like HATCHET or BEHIND THE MASK?” After the movie was over it kinda made more sense.
There are many things I liked about this one. Oddly enough I like that it stars Zombie’s wife, Sheri Moon Zombie. She was a major character in all his other movies, but in this one she’s the center of the whole story and often alone on screen. I like that because it’s unusual to see an adult, tattooed, dreadlocked white lady as a lead. You see ’em around but they don’t usually make movies about them. Nice to have something different sometimes. (read the rest of this shit…)
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Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
Mr. Majestyk on Road House (2024): “I agree that a scene that performed the same function as the dinner scene without actually being the dinner scene…” Mar 28, 18:00
VERN on Road House (2024): “Majestyk – That apparent contradiction had actually occurred to me, but I think the reason it’s different is because the…” Mar 28, 17:20
Mr. Majestyk on Road House (2024): “I mean, this is the price they pay for relentless IP exploitation. Sure, more people will watch your remake of…” Mar 28, 08:11
CJ Holden on Road House (2024): “And then someone would probably say “Why remake movies anyway?” and I would probably say “I don’t know, but I…” Mar 28, 07:50
CJ Holden on Road House (2024): “It’s weird, yesterday someone asked me if a throat gets ripped out in the remake and when I told him…” Mar 28, 07:43
Bill Reed on Catch the Fair One: “Thanks for reviewing this. Reis was probably my favorite thing about this season of True Detective– a cool new discovery.…” Mar 28, 06:02
Mr. Majestyk on Road House (2024): “It’s taken 20 years, but Vern finally agrees with me that it was a good idea to not have a…” Mar 28, 05:13
dreadguacamole on Moon Garden: “This sounds right up my alley, I’ll have to seek it out (it’s not on Shudder UK…) THE WOLF HOUSE…” Mar 28, 03:55
Adam C aka TaumpyTearrs on Road House (2024): “@Borg9 When I finished Polite Society I looked up the writer/director and immediately added We Are Lady Parts to my…” Mar 28, 02:09
Ben C. on Road House (2024): “Jumping in to very strongly second POLITE SOCIETY, as well as SEVEN MEN FROM NOW. In other news I thought…” Mar 27, 20:52
Kyle on Moon Garden: “Vern/Mr. Majestik: Great review Vern and Mr. Majestik Mad God was excellent nightmare fuel and the couple of Svankmajer pics…” Mar 27, 20:22
VERN on Road House (2024): “I think even I, who thought the remake was great, would’ve felt it was very empty to have Gyllenhaal repeat…” Mar 27, 19:19
Jen Bast on Road House (2024): “An absolutely terrible film, even for a remake… Plotless, pointless, soulless. Flat, personality-free “hero”, other characters taken from the groups…” Mar 27, 17:23
Borg9 on Road House (2024): “POLITE SOCIETY was THE best thing I saw in a theatre last year. Adam C, if it’s the comedy that…” Mar 27, 10:31
Mr. Majestyk on Moon Garden: “Apparently, WOLF HOUSE is not an old movie. Came out in 2018. I fell for the TEXAS CHAINSAW style bogus…” Mar 27, 07:24
VERN’S “I RECOMMEND THE SHIT OUT OF THIS PRODUCT” CORNER: